#instead of friends telling me 'hey i think u might just be trans' and that somehow still not feeling RIGHT

[wolverinedoctorwho]

How many things am I gonna try thinking "oh this will finally reveal to me whether I'm trans" before one of them actually *works*. I'm tired of this grandpa.

[occoris]

had a dream just now that I was going to a concert (held outdoors in the courtyard of a little record shop) to see Emilie Autumn and some other act, idk.

we met with my friend from work (B) on the way bc they were also going and my mom, who has met this friend before, asks me "has she slept?" and im like [considers everything i know about this person even though I don't know if they've slept] "its possible?"

and moms like "I dont think she's slept. im making her go home." but by this mom doesn't mean SHE'S making them go home she means I'M making them go home.

so I go to try and be like Hey Uh Whats Up and B YELLS at me for asking this question and it quickly becomes apparent that they're super fucking manic. and after we both calm down they tell me some stuff about the intervening 2 weeks since I saw them last, including that they just got fucking married apparently, and at this point im like I Need To Get Them Home But How.

dear reader I do not succeed bc my fatal flaw is I hate getting yelled at and its already happened and *in the dream* I'm thinking to myself "interacting with manic ppl is my real irl job why can't I do this with my friend :("

so we get to the concert and the venue is tiny and outside and super cute and the parking lot is SO big compared to the size of the record store and I lose my friend in the crowd and some little fucking kid steals my copy of "The Psychology of The Legend Of Zelda" out if my backpack (this pisses me tf off lmao) and while I'm looking for my friend I instead find

• two dudes fucking, fully naked, in the parking lot (one of them is trans. eventually they change positions and when they do this the cis dude starts wearing jeans. they stay near their truck but the truck is often like, in the background of shots of the dream and they just stay there fucking in the big the rest of the dream)

• a client from work who B and I both know.

we dont work there anymore but it hasn't been 2 years yet so we're not SUPPOSED to interact with them but like. I like this client a lot so dream me is like "fuck it im talking to them" bc they're really happy to see me.

(I am gendering B they/them bc those are their pronouns- u will notice my mom, true to life, used their Good Enough Backup pronouns. the client is they/them for anonymity.)

so we hug and say hi and its nice and they're like "im so excited to see B, too!!" and im like "about that, they're missing????? I dont know where they went. I might leave soon to find them/drive them home"

and then im like "if we see my family in there can I introduce you to them?" and they're like "i would like that" and then we wander back into the crowd and I woke up shortly after

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

[possibilistfanfiction]

Okay Elsa is annoying but … any Elsa thoughts on the future?

i also agree that elsa is annoying but u know shes a good mom honestly. also we all know casey is non binary in our hearts so. here's something i guess :) also on ao3

////

the morning gates stay open (i’d be there)

/

i’m born to be somebody, then somebody comes from me i’ll tell you about the rabbit moon and when to keep walking

— clairo, ‘reaper’

//

you see izzie — and no one else — waiting for you when you head out of the terminal at lax.

‘hey elsa,’ she says, giving you a hug when you open your arms, even though you’re a little confused. ‘casey’s in the bathroom,’ she rushes to explain, rolling her eyes fondly. ‘they had like six la croixs today, even though i said it was a bad idea, and —‘

you don’t really process much else because then casey is barreling into you, even though ever facetime call has ended abruptly with an adamant refusal to return any sentiment about missing each other. ‘hey mom,’ casey says into your shoulder, and when you back up you have to smile at the sun-kissed freckles and cutoff shorts fraying at the hem, even though it’s february and snowing in connecticut. casey looks happy, and links hands with izzie, who tries to take your suitcase for you before you glare at casey, who sighs and takes it instead.

/

you’ve visited before; you helped both of them move into their dorms, and then you’d flown out with doug for a weekend in october. casey and izzie came home for thanksgiving and winter break, but you have some miles saved up now and casey hadn’t sounded too annoyed at the idea of you visiting for a few days to get out of the cold. they drop your things off at the hotel you booked near campus, and then izzie levels casey with a look and then says, ‘i have to meet with a group for a midterm presentation, but i’ll see you for dinner.’

you give her a hug and she kisses casey easily, quickly, and says, ‘i love you,’ far too seriously for an afternoon apart. you don’t know what’s going on but you think back to what izzie had said earlier — not about casey drinking too many la croixs; listening to rules has never been a strong suit, after all — but, you think, if you were listening, maybe izzie didn’t say her, which might mean—

‘let’s go to the palisades,’ casey says, then starts to ramble nervously about how they’re closer to the west side than laguna or manhattan but not as crowded as the pier, and who wants to be around that many tourists anyway, and there’s a little cafe if you wanted some snacks. you listen patiently and agree to any plans, because it’s a beautiful day and you don’t, actually, want to drive that much in la traffic or be by so many tourists. eventually casey runs out of things to say and turns on the radio to some music you don’t know but honestly don’t think is half bad. the windows are down and the sun is bright and you’ve been to pflag meetings in new haven for over a year now; you think you’ll knock it out of the park if casey tells you anything.

you do stop by the cafe, which is cute, and pick up a few snacks. casey had packed a big beach blanket, one you’d given as a joint gift to izzie and casey for christmas, which makes you smile. casey’s hands are shaking, a little, though, and so you don’t mention that it was, in fact, a great present that apparently they use all the time, according to izzie, who always politely and enthusiastically returns your texts and calls with all sorts of updates.

you sit down in the warm sand near the water and you know casey; sometimes, you just have to wait it out.

‘so.’

‘hmmm.’

casey fiddles with the edge of the blanket and then with some of the fruit you got at the cafe, before staring straight ahead at the waves. ‘i’m, uh. whew. well.’

you don’t laugh, will your body not to. instead, you squeeze casey’s hand, just once.

‘i’m just your kid, okay?’

you sit with that for a moment, try to process what you think casey is saying, but you don’t want to get anything wrong or jump to conclusions. ‘today, at the airport, izzie said they, when referring to you.’

casey sits for a second, shoulders tense all the way up toward the sky, and then says, ‘oh.’

‘i don’t think she was even thinking about it.’ casey nods. ‘but, is that what you’re talking about?’

casey sighs. ‘yeah. i guess. is that — is that okay?’

‘of course it’s okay,’ you say, because it definitely is okay, and also it’s not the most shocking news you’ve heard. casey hasn’t wanted anything to do with femininity, really, for as long as you can remember; you’ve grown used to, and proud, so often, of having a queer child — and another bonus queer child, too, which is what you consider izzie now, no matter what.

casey sniffles and then leans into your shoulder. ‘i know you’re, like, bursting with questions.’

you laugh, just a little, and feel a small smile against your skin. ‘not if you don’t want to answer them.’

‘depends on the questions.’

‘do you have any term you like, or any concept or something? i’ve been doing a lot of reading, and i’ve met a lot of other parents in pflag who have children who are also gender non-conforming, and—‘

‘whoa, slow your roll,’ casey says, but seems to deflate a little in relief. ‘non binary is fine, i guess. i’m just — not a girl. i’m just casey.’

that makes you smile. ‘your name is still casey, then?’

it produces an eye roll but then a begrudging, ‘it’s a good name. i like my name,’ so you’ll take it as a win.

‘i have great taste.’

‘ugh.’

‘you use they/them pronouns?’

‘yeah,’ casey says. ‘but, like, it’s okay if you don’t always get them right or whatever.’

‘no, it’s not,’ you say gently. ‘i’ll try really hard. i’ll get them right. it’s important.’

that produces a fresh round of tears that they try to dismiss by saying the sun is really bright and they have a hangover, which you know is false because casey had been asleep by 9 last night after an all-nighter and cross country the day before. but you let them have it, eat a few grapes and then toss one their way.

it elicits a reluctant laugh but it works all the same. ‘izzie corrects people all the time so she’ll love you more than she already does.’

‘i’m so glad you brought my favorite child into my life.’

‘wow, thanks elsa,’ casey deadpans, but then digs their hand into the sand and smiles. ‘izzie’s been so awesome, with all of this. i really love her.’

‘i know you do,’ you say with a smile, pat their hand.

‘and i’ll tell sam and dad eventually, but i want to tell them in person because sam won’t care, i’m sure, but dad is… you know.’

‘he loves you,’ you assure them. ‘i won’t say anything, of course.’

they look at you suspiciously.

you hold your hands up. ‘i swear i won’t. i know i love to meddle but i would never out you.’

casey sighs and nods. ‘i believe you,’ they say. ‘but, for the record, meddling is your most toxic trait.’

‘yeah, yeah.’

‘i don’t really want to talk about this anymore,’ they say quietly after a few moments. ‘it stresses me out, sometimes.’

‘okay. any time you want or need, though.’

they nod. ‘love you, mom.’

‘love you, casey.’

they pop up off the blanket, then, which whips sand into your face and all the food, and then take off toward the waves, laughing. you let them have a little space for a moment, watching your brave child chase off into the surf, fearless as always.

/

you take izzie to lunch the next day; casey has class during that time and you like to spend time with izzie anyway. she sits straight and proper but you see how she’s relaxed a little too, here, maybe getting to have a childhood for the first time ever. her hair is long and perpetually wavy from her runs by the ocean, and her eyes are bright.

‘thank you,’ she says, ‘for being so good with casey yesterday. they told me that you were awesome.’

‘casey, my child, said those words about me?’

izzie laughs, delicately takes a bite of her quinoa bowl, then shrugs. ‘not those words exactly. but they meant it. and they were so happy this morning, like a weight was lifted or something. i told them they didn’t need to be that anxious to tell you or anything but it’s been a process, you know. i think it’s been hard for a while.’

‘they like to let things stew, don’t they?’

izzie huffs. ‘it’s the worst.’

‘welcome to my world.’

‘casey is… quite the person, that’s for sure.’

‘thank you, too, izzie. for loving them so completely.’

izzie blushes, looks down at her hands. ‘impossible not to, i think.’

you think back to all the times casey has driven you up the wall over the years, the tantrums and fights, and then reach out to squeeze izzie’s hand. ‘impossible not to,’ you agree.

/

casey and izzie come home for spring break, and casey is pacing around and so you order food, send izzie to go get it, who thanks you quietly with a little squeeze to your shoulder.

you sit down on the couch and make sure that sam and doug are actually paying attention and then casey sighs.

‘is this an intervention?’ sam asks when casey doesn’t say anything. ‘i don’t know who it would be for.’

casey sighs again. ‘it’s not an intervention.’

‘okay,’ sam says, ‘good.’

casey tries to still their hands on their thighs and then says, ‘i’m not a girl. or a boy. or anything else, really, i guess. uh, if that makes sense.’

doug looks genuinely baffled but sam just nods.

‘there are many animals that don’t fit into a gender or sex binary. most commonly, it’s referred to as sequential hermaphroditism.’

casey nods contemplatively and your heart warms a little.

‘one of my friends is trans,’ he says, then takes out his notebook. ‘what are your name and pronouns?’

you can tell casey is trying not to cry, but they just clear their throat. ‘uh, casey, and they/them pronouns.’

sam writes something in his notebook and then nods. ‘got it. sibling? is that okay?’

casey is really trying not to cry now. ‘that’s great, sam.’

‘cool,’ he says. ‘is that all?’

‘oh, uh, yeah,’ casey says, ‘thanks, sam.’

‘sure, i’m just glad this wasn’t an intervention,’ he says, then stands and leaves the room without another word.

casey is smiling but then they turn to really look at doug, who has a furrowed brow.

‘i’m sorry, case,’ he says, which might not be the best start, but you’re fully prepared to jump in anytime they need. ‘i don’t — i don’t understand fully.’

he doesn’t sound angry, and he gets up to sit by them on the couch, squeezes their shoulder once.

‘i love you, though, and i guess, uh. you’re my kid. i just want you to be safe and happy. i’ll try to learn, okay?’

casey swallows once, and then again, and then hugs doug tight. ‘please never quote this, and only remember it for your sake and not mine, but mom knows a lot. she can definitely help explain stuff.’

you beam and doug nods. casey rolls their eyes.

’not now, though,’ they say. ‘izzie’s back with the food.’ they flash their phone. ‘she’s just been waiting outside until we were done talking. elsa, i see what you did there.’

‘you’re welcome.’

‘that pizza better not have pineapple or else i’m taking back everything i just said.’

‘extra pineapple, believe it or not.’

casey stomps off, and then makes a little noise of satisfaction from the kitchen when they discover that, in fact, you had actually ordered pepperoni. you hear izzie laugh.

‘so… we don’t have a daughter anymore?’ doug asks, quietly. ‘that’s not what i should call …’

‘them,’ you supply. ‘casey is our child,’ you say firmly, ‘they’re just casey.’

he takes a deep breath and then nods. ‘okay.’

‘we can practice. i’ve been practicing.’

doug looks relieved. ‘okay, good.’ he waits a beat and then laughs, just once. ‘you know, of all the things casey has ever come to us with, even though i don’t understand the details, really, this might be the one that makes the most sense.’

you smile, lace your fingers together. ‘i thought the same thing.’

/

when casey and izzie come home for a few weeks in the summer before preseason training begins, casey has a few more tattoos and a buzzcut and the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. izzie is in a crop top and long, flowing skirt and they’re both as enamored with each other as always, sweet and considerate and happy. you make peace with it all, because casey is kinder by the day, it seems, even to you.

zahid comes over one night and smiles and says, ‘sick shoes,’ to casey and leaves it at that, even though earlier you had told them that you thought they looked like geriatric shoes — not even in jest, you were worried about arch support or something — and izzie had laughed and casey had spluttered, ‘they’re jordans.’

it’s not hard to realize, as the weeks pass, that casey is better than they’d ever been; you’d read that a lot of trans and non binary teams have a really hard time during puberty, especially, and casey had been going through so much on top of trying to process this part of their identity. you fight the urge to wish you had known more then, even though they’re healthy and thriving now, it seems.

they get everyone to help organize a slip n slide in the backyard made with tarps and soap and water, and it’s genuinely hilarious when they set up an obstacle course. for two division i athletes, casey and izzie do terribly, falling all over each other and getting bubbles everywhere. you’re pretty sure casey is wearing a binder instead of a swimsuit or sports bra, and when they finally finish their ridiculous game, they lie back on the grass with izzie.

they’re both breathing hard and laughing periodically, not really talking. you bring them popsicles and it’s been a while since you’ve seen casey look this young.

/

things settle.

you miss your kids, of course, but they seem very genuinely happy. but one night in the fall, you’re just sitting down with a glass of nice merlot, ready to watch the newest episode of the bachelor even though casey relentlessly tells you it’s ‘misogynist garbage’ — which you know, obviously, but it’s mindless — when your phone rings.

it’s casey, and casey never really calls you for a good reason, and your heart jumps in your chest. you put down your wine and pause the tv.

‘case?’

you hear them sniffle on the other end of the line.

‘what’s wrong?’

your mind runs through a million different scenarios, each worse than the last.

‘izzie’s hurt,’ they say, finally, and casey has been known to be a little dramatic so you don’t know how hurt, or what you need to do.

‘what happened, honey? what do you need from me?’

’the trainers are taking her to the hospital for an mri right now but they think she tore her achilles in practice today. i don’t — she was running next to me, just intervals, and then i heard a pop and then she was screaming and — can you come? i’m sorry. they think she might need surgery, i guess, and, i just. please? can you come?’

you put down your wine and walk to your laptop. ‘i’ll look up flights right now, case. i’ll be there as soon as i can, okay?’

they let out what you can tell is a very relieved breath. ‘okay.’

‘i found one that can get me there tomorrow morning. i’ll find a hotel and keep you updated.’

‘mom,’ they say, ‘thank you.’

‘i love you, and i love izzie.’ it’s firm, but you mean it like that: there is no question; you will be there. ‘i’ll see you both soon.’

/

izzie does need surgery, you find out by the next morning when you uber from the airport to the hospital. casey is hunched over in a hoodie, trying to stay awake with a cup of coffee, but izzie smiles sleepily and happily when you come into the room quietly.

‘i’m high,’ she says, giggling a little.

casey rolls their eyes, clearly exhausted, but gets up to hug you tight. izzie squeezes your hand back when you kiss her cheek.

‘you didn’t need to come,’ she says suddenly, a little furrow to her brow.

‘of course i did.’

her lower lip starts to wobble and casey rolls their eyes but huffs a little laugh anyway. it’s an uncharacteristically chilly, rainy day outside and it’s surprisingly easy to convince casey to go back to the dorm to shower and nap for a few hours before they come back in the afternoon. izzie mostly sleeps, but you take careful notes when the surgeon comes to speak to you, because izzie really is out of it and, although they promise to come back and explain things later, you don’t want them to be missing any information. plus, they always process information better when it’s written down anyway.

izzie eventually gets discharged and has to come back a few days later for surgery. you have savings, so you’re lucky enough that you can stay for a bit. izzie is groggy but gets to have an outpatient procedure, and you help casey get her situated back in her dorm afterward. she has a big padded boot on her foot and ankle but you picked up pain medication for her and so she mostly sleeps. casey settles in next to izzie on the small bed and kisses her forehead, then looks at you, eyes big. their hair has grown out so that it falls floppily over their brows; it makes them look young and you have to fight to not want to kiss their forehead or hold their hand.

‘just — thank you, mom.’

/

you leave after a few days because izzie is doing better, taking just tylenol and very coherently getting around fine on crutches and so therefore casey has relaxed as well, their easy smiles back and their posture relaxed, slouched like normal.

they both come to see you off at the airport, casey doting carefully and izzie swatting away any attempts. you kiss izzie’s forehead and then do the same to casey, even though they fake gag.

within a few weeks, izzie is walking again, tenderly at first but then without any pause. casey actually gives you studious updates about her recovery; from what you can tell, they go to every physical therapy session they can possibly make it to. you know izzie has gone to therapy for years, now, and all of the drama from when she and casey first started dating seems to have faded into the background. but injuries are difficult, you think — scary and painful, especially because of what running has been to izzie. but eventually she sends you a selfie of the two of them by the beach, clearly having just run, with fly away hair and casey’s cheeks flushed red, huge smiles squinting into the sun.

/

a year passes, full of holidays and casey complaining about finals and izzie sending you pictures of pies she tries to bake in the tiny dorm kitchen. they run; sometimes when you’re pretty sure they’re a little high, casey will facetime you just to say hello. you and doug help them move into a small duplex together at the beginning of junior year, a bright sunny kitchen and the breeze from the ocean floating through the windows.

casey takes you to get coffee when they visit for thanksgiving — so you know something’s up, because they would never voluntarily spend time alone with you unless they really needed to talk — and when you sit down they smile at you, gently and openly, a rare occasion, and say, ‘i’m gonna have top surgery in the spring.’

you’re not surprised, and you’ve done casey’s laundry enough times when they’ve visited that you know they’ve been wearing a binder most days; you know they love being an athlete, and izzie has sent you enough articles about non-binary athletes in women’s leagues that you know casey has a place in sport.

that this surgery is happening, though, is a little different. you feel scared, because casey is your child, but mostly you feel excited for them. relieved for them.

‘that’s so wonderful, casey,’ you say, and they blink just once and then a grin lights up their face.

they tell you about their surgeon, and the type of surgery they’re going to have, how izzie has gone with them but how, they admit, they would love if you facetimed in for their next pre-op appointment in a few months.

‘can you help me explain it to dad? sam and i already talked, to be honest, because he asked me. which is, like, inappropriate from anyone else, but he’s sam, so it was mostly just so he could research statistics and stuff.’

you laugh, squeeze their hand. ‘i’ll help, absolutely.’

/

you go out to la a few months after casey’s surgery with doug and sam; everything had gone well and casey had cried in joy and relief when they’d seen their chest afterward for the first time, which had set izzie off, which had set you off too. you’re pretty sure doug had even sniffled.

when you’d left, though, they still had bandages and bruising but now it’s almost the beginning of their senior year and when you go to the beach they take their shirt off and then shove sam into the sand with a laugh. sam grumbles but gets up to dust himself off, izzie rolling her eyes as she helps you set out the blanket.

casey races off into the surf, turning back and yelling at all of you to come join them. you always have; you do.

[dantelionwishes]

bro now i too am thinking about some sato and burai bonding.... like....... burai gets dropped off outside school on Monday after visiting home for the weekend. anyone looking can catch a glimpse of his mom storming off and he's clearly been crying but he won't address it at all. he just sits at the front of the class completely stone faced and silent. everyone is ConcernedTM but he just shakes his head when asked about it.

finally sato pulls him aside and is like hey... you good... and burai admits he got into an argument with his mom right before class and apologises for acting weird. and then completely unrelated to that (/s), he asks sato if he thinks burai is... good at being a boy... or if he's not fooling anyone, and he feels really silly about it but there u go im cringe

bro...........

I dont speak for the class bro but im sure they'd all help Burai but if he needs an adult instead of his friends to chat with him allow me to channels as much positive dad energy as much as I can into sato--

homeroom goes as usual, and just as sato dismisses class for a short break, he calls his Vice President for a short "class officer" chat without trying to make it too obvious why (so that his other classmates dont intrude for his sake)

honestly he's just glad Burai was able to tell him everything that happened, and was mostly worried that his student wouldn't tell him what was going on. he's his teacher, of course, he knows his background, and has talked to his mother a few times for PTA and general updates to parents regarding their children's performance in school and hooo boy. as his teacher, sato's glad hes done his part enough to make sure Burai feels like a boy (I like to think he was the one who permitted him/gave him the male uniform COS HEY....BNHA IS MY CANON NOW SO ITS FREE REAL ESTATE, UA IS NOT A SINGLE DROP OF TRANSPHOBIC AND SUPPORTS THEIR TRANS KIDS TO WEAR WHATEVER UNIFORM THEY WANT) and even if the mother got upset, he was also just as content to see her try and sue UA for "doing what the teacher thought was best for her daughter" but BOOM they aren't transphobic and she just stormed off and let it slide <3

sato isn't trans, so he would tell Burai that he doesnt really know much abt this since it differs between people, but passing is a total preference. some ppl want to pass some dont, some ppl want to look heteronormative and some want to look gnc af. but he would tell Burai that he doesnt have to be good, or even the best at being a boy because he...already is. he doesn't have to try so hard to be one, because he already is. he's not fooling anyone, but he might be fooling himself for thinking he isn't.

"Banzai. You're not a fake guy."

He ruffles his hair enough to look earnestly into his student's eyes.

"...you're the real deal."

[jonghoshoe]

Hey! love ur work, nice to see a fellow trans guy writing fics on here as well I was wondering if you could do an ateez reaction to their bf not wanting to bottom because they aren't comfortable with it, either cause of past experience or just not being comfortable. It comes from a feeling I've had myself as I'm called a bottom by irl friends even tho I'm uncomfortable with that stuff, I hope that you're comfortable writing this, if u aren't u don't have to do it🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Omg bby them’s some shitty friends! Dump them sir!!

And hello fellow trans I see we are multiplying.

Also i’ve never written a reaction before and I dunno what format I like best so pls bare with me.

-

Hongjoong: It’s in the middle of a heavy make-out session when you say it. Hongjoong had been seated on your lap after crawling over the couch to climb on top of you and you had a moment of panic that things would continue with him on top. ‘’Do you- mind if i’m on top?’’ You ask shyly, Hongjoong eagerly nodding as he attempts to roll you both to change positions on the couch, but you both fall on the floor instead. ‘’Well hello prince charming.’’ He jokes with a grin from under you. 

Seonghwa: Seonghwa likes to do things properly in this relationship, or at least as properly as he can. So when he asks what position you prefer during sex, he’s already prepared to hear any answer, so you saying you were uncomfortable bottoming as something he was already ready for and accepted. Though he admits that it’s also new to him to be the one on the bottom. ‘’It’s a new experience, but It doesn’t mean I’m opposed to it. Who knows, I might even end up preferring it!’’

Yeosang: Yeosang is a hard switch, so he didn’t mind at all when you told him you preferred to top. What did annoy him however was the fact you waited until after your first time together to tell him. He thinks that’s totally ruined it and now declares that next time is your real first time together, this was just a trail run to see what you both liked. (It absolutely was not, but the sentiment was appreciated anyway)

Wooyoung: ‘’Bold of you to assume I’d top anyway. Everyone knows I have the brattiest bottom energy out of the whole group!’’ Wooyoung would declare upon being told you’d prefer to top. He really hadn’t been planning on being on top in the first place and jokes that if you’d wanted to bottom he’d have had to break up with you. (He wouldn’t actually, he’d just have had to get a little creative.)

San: San is the most nonchalant about it, aside from Seonghwa. He asked you one night over a takeout dinner while you binged Netflix on the couch. When you said you preferred to top, the only follow up question was how confident you are in your rope-tying abilities because San had always wanted to try that but never got to bottom before.

Jongho: Jongho was a little taken aback, he has a bit of a weird complex about this because of both his strength, and being the maknae of the group and feeling like he has to prove himself as being mature. There’s a brief adjustment period before you settle on him occasionally topping from the bottom. He still does bottom, after his first time he realised he actually really enjoys it, but much like you, sometimes he just can’t.

Mingi: Mingi was excited about it, immediately bombarding you with questions on what your kinks were so he knew exactly what him bottoming would entail. He probably brags to everyone about how he has such a cool and hot boyfriend who also rails him into next week. Much to everyone else at the dinner tables dismay.

Yunho: Yunho is ecstatic about it. He couldn’t top to save his life! Okay well- maybe then. But he’d not be very happy with it. He just wants to be your good puppy so when you told him you preferred to top, he immediately smothered you with hugs and kisses because he was just so excited! Absolutely no problem with it, 10/10 would not want it any other way.

(Brief edit bc I forgot to bold the names oOf)

[phoebehalliwell]

Do you have any headcanons about Bianca in the new timeline?

so these are sorta headcanons about bianca and sorta headcanons about the phoenix in general none of this really has any evidence to support it but they also gave me nothing to work with So

i think the phoenix are like this very well run business of like witch assassins. like they’ve got bank

it’s sorta like they’ll do anything for a high enough price but their loyalty at its core is to one another. if it’s a suicide mission they Will tell the client to fuck right off

(i personally imagine that the phoenix have been approached by Many different demons/warlocks/evildoers over the years and asked to kill the charmed ones which is an offer they have never once even considered bc they know it’s a suicide mission)

i think they also do engage with mortals on a very basic level like if you want a psychic reading of the stock market or you want a good luck spell or you want to curse your business competitor and i think they charge out the nose for it

like ohh this is a very powerful curse this can’t be done lightly we have to wait til the moon is full it’ll take a lot of magic therefore the lowest we can go is $150,000

and these assholes definitely pay that, not knowing that the curse is just gonna be handed off to one of the twelve year olds in training bc hey it’s so easy how can they fuck it up

with magical affairs they can’t really charge as high for spells and curse but they can charge a lot for murder

payment from the magical community can either be in cold hard cash, cursed/enchanted items, or powers

also elders have forbidden any interaction with the phoenix so that’s why the majority of their powers are demonic in origin (e.g. bianca’s shimmering and energy balls)

i also think that bianca’s power stripping abilities that we see in chris crossed is not a power she was born with i think that was an ability gifted to her from wyatt for the sole purpose of that mission (mainly bc it’s a dumb power u don’t even get the powers your stripping from the person it only kills them if you do it wrong it’s just very plot devicey)

and i’m back to talking about the phoenix in general but i think it is very much a matriarchy and none of them really have dads (like obvi they do biologically i think that the system when the time comes you can chose to be a mother they do a whole bunch of fertility rituals and they just sorta scope things out and find a man who has good genetics get pregnant bada bing bada boom usually these guys won’t even know they have kids) (also on this note i think there are some phoenix hybrids but i think they are very rare bc they want someone who is going to be fully dedicated to the phoenix if a demon/warlock/darklighter/witch is the other parent the odds are A Lot greater of them finding out they have a kid and trying to like get to know their child which is a no go for the phoenix)

i also think for the most part the phoenix are all girls there are only a couple boys born into the phoenix (also the phoenix very much support trans rights so assigned gender at birth doesn’t really matter to them)

what matters is if you’re born without a phoenix mark

no one knows why but sometimes it just happens

the baby is immediately fed a power stripping potion and given up for adoption, and everyone pretends like it never happened

after a baby is born the mother raises the child like a normal single mother out in the mortal world, but still does basic power training with them

then, once you turn ten, you start Official Phoenix Training at the Phoenix Academy which is a very nice state of the art building but not in that gross clean lines and polished white hi tech style it has an almost rustic feel and it’s huge

and it’s a sleep away situation over the summer it’s where you go every school break you’re there on weekends and you’re there after school

as phoenix do attend like,,, high school and all that just so they understand how to function in normal society / blend in they’re like technically allowed to have friends they’re just not allowed to be friends with anyone if you get what i mean

so like,, from a young age it’s drilled into you that your loyalty is to the phoenix and your sisters (because anyone else who is a phoenix is either you sister or your aunt or your grandmother, it’s all just titles of respect) so while you can have friends you don’t ever reveal who you really are the mask is always on you’re always playing a part and pretending to be someone they would like when in truth they don’t really know you at all

the time you’re allowed to be yourself is at Phoenix Academy which only strengthens the bond between you and your sisters

that all being said i think bianca’s a bit of a loner

she’s a bit standoffish, aloof, and is sorta like one of those people who like tries making mean comments as like an act of camaraderie or whatever but she’s like,,, really mean, so it doesn’t really work

also: she’s the best

like, she’s Really good

and because of that she’s definitely all of the instructors favorites which means everyone in her class sorta just hates her on principle

she’s definitely of the mentality like “i would rather be a dick bc i know people will hate me rather than genuinely be myself have have them hate me anyway”

so yeah, she has no friends in the phoenix

that being said she has So Many Friends in the real world

it’s like a rush because she can so easily be someone everyone else would like and there’s a sense of satisfaction she gets from someone bearing their truest self to her and her knowing that they don’t know her at all

which she like sorta knows is fucked up which is why she tries to avoid introspection as a principle and instead drowns herself in training and studies bc uhh she Really does not want to know what’s going on up there

i also think she travels a lot, “for fun” isn’t really quite the right phrasing but her shimmering ability is something that she really hold onto (as sometimes phoenix might have to sacrifice their powers to a phoenix of a higher rank if the situation calls for it) and like when she’s really stressed and needs to get away she shimmers to like,, really empty scenic places (there are a couple spots she keeps returning to: an almost empty island in greece, a specific ledge in the alps, a temple in japan that no one else can reach bc the path to it eroded away long ago)

and lemme tell u this girl repressed A Lot

Like So Much Bro

so like,,, sitting alone in an almost forgotten area in the world is like a crucial thing for her

(no one else knows she does it tho and she would never admit that to anyone)

goddamn that’s a lot as far as whether or not her path would cross again with the halliwells and more specifically chris i have that mapped out in my next gen fic and i really can’t wait to get there (but i promise if that ends up taking too long i’ll just post them here)

[eats-the-stars]

ok so i’m probably not going to word this the best, but I think I’ve finally convinced my bro-in-law-to-be (white, straight) that he can’t keep making homophobic/racist jokes around the house or out in public. and for context, he’s actually not a very racist/homophobic dude, but when he hangs out with his dude friends (a group that includes one gay dude, a bi guy, and a black guy) they all tend to throw around those kind of jokes in good humor. which is fine if they’re out laughing it up or whatever. but...not around the house, when none of those people are present to reciprocate.

and the bro-in-law-to-be has explained over and over that “my gay/black friend was the one who said this joke so it’s cool for me to tell it” but...his gay friend is not here to laugh at the joke. his black friend is not here to laugh at his joke. The only people in this house are me (white nonbinary ace or lesbian i’m still figuring it out, also autistic), my sister (white, bi), and our straight white dad who is very racist/homophobic but usually keeps it on the down low since he knows that we do not share his views and WILL debate him if he makes a nasty comment.

So our dad is usually quiet about his messed up thoughts...UNLESS someone says something to indicate “Hey, I’m racist/homophobic, just like you!” and makes it a safe space to suddenly start talking about “the Chinese virus” or ��businesses should be allowed to refuse service to gays” and all this other horrible stuff, which then means that my sister and I have to go through another grueling debate with our dad about how “eugenics is bad” and “refusing to bake a cake leads to refusing to lease an apartment and it’s a slippery slope” and EVERY TIME the bro-in-law-to-be has been like “wow i didn’t know your dad thought those things” while my sister and I are like “AND WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN IF YOU STOPPED TELLING THESE JOKES AND ENCOURAGING HIM TO BE OPENLY RACIST/HOMOPHOBIC.”

I can’t believe we had to explain to my bro-in-law-to-be that ppl who are racist/homophobic keep an ear out for these kind of jokes in order to recognize each other. A joke is the safest way for them to test the waters. If it’s poorly received, they can just brush it off and go “oh it was just a joke, guys, it wasn’t serious, I don’t really think those things, haha.” BUT it also provides the option for ppl to laugh and go “oh yes, that’s a good joke, i’ll tell you an equally horrible joke to prove that i share your beliefs.” and BAM, they’ve identified a fellow racist/homophobe/etc. and now know that they can talk openly in front of this person, or look to them for support if an argument breaks out. And then suddenly the space you’re in has the potential to become very ugly very fast if the majority of people signal that they’re comfortable with this, and then, if you’re a person who doesn’t agree, you have to either step up and try to shut that shit down and potentially put yourself at risk (which can range from actual physical risk to the emotional/mental damage that comes with listening to someone say terrible things about a group you belong to).

And my bro-in-law-to-be has the luxury of not belonging to any of these groups. Which means that if he makes a stupid joke at the wrong time that lights the racist/homophobic/ableist fire in the room, he’s not at risk of getting burnt. At most he’s going to be uncomfortable or feel like “wow that’s horrible” but he won’t actually be at RISK in the same way my sister and I will be. The way anyone else in that room who’s black or gay or autistic will be once he starts that ball rolling.

And right now we’re trying to focus on him not starting those fires inside our house, around our dad. Because my sister and I have tried very hard over the years to try to talk our dad out of a lot of his shitty mindsets and it’s slow progress, but we’ve managed to convince him of small things over time. he’s a lot less ableist and sexist, for example. Those were easier to work on because he has three daughters (us) and we milked that angle hard, and because I’m autistic, which we also milked hard since i was able to convince him to look at me as having expertise about disabilities that made him value my opinion. We’ve also made strides on the homophobia front, too. If I ever figure out that i like girls (still working on that) and actually date a girl, I think he would be uncomfortable at first, but he wouldn’t reject me as his daughter or anything. likewise, if my sister (bi) broke up w/her boyfriend and started dating a girl, he would probably accept that. We know this mostly because our dad apparently thought that our youngest sis (the irony is she’s the only straight one) was dating her bff in high school and was cool with it. Might have a harder time if, like, his grandson turned out to be gay (he’s more accepting of lesbians/wlw??), but we’re working on it, and we got him to accept using our trans friend’s chosen name and pronouns instead of his deadname, which took time (i’m still not out to him as nonbinary, tho. my sister and online peeps are the only ppl who know right now). So we’ve made progress!

But THEN my bro-in-law has to throw dad a bone with these lame jokes that are uncomfortable to hear coming out of his mouth in the first place (why is it always a cis straight white guy who thinks he can tell any kind of joke as long as he “doesn’t mean it”?) and so this has brought back a lot of those old beliefs in our dad that we’ve been trying to smother. These last few years under Trump have already set him back, ngl, but bro-in-law-to-be was not helping.

it’s also so hard to try fighting racism in our dad, partly because our area is so white and most of our POC friends don’t live here anymore (so far our best success is directly exposing him to a person belonging to the group he hates, and slowly letting him see that they’re human. he’s so non-confrontational that he’s not going to say anything in front of the person, either, and we supervise the whole time, and inform our friend beforehand–our trans friend volunteered to help us previously). and you can’t just say “black lives matter because they’re human beings with intrinsic value equal to a white life” because...he’s racist. he’ll debate you all day or say “ok ok” and let the subject drop w/out changing his mind. you literally have to force him to regularly have positive reactions w/a real life person to change him. god...it’s like training a dog or exposure therapy or something but it’s the best we’ve got. it’s not like there’s a school where u can send ur racist parents to learn human decency.

and it’s hard because he’s our dad and we love him and it’s hard to look at someone you love and know that he believes that straight white abled lives have more intrinsic value than anyone else...just because. i hate that we live in a society where so many ppl hate each other for these things. and it’s just...up to everyone else in their lives to decide to do anything about it. and even then, it’s so hard. and our dad is just one person, and we’ve had years and the benefit of him loving us enough to listen. i can’t imagine trying to reform a stranger, or tons of ppl all at once...

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (6)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.9k (this chapter), 19.7k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Hope my friends and I didn't make things weird for you yesterday. We're heading to the city around noon if you're still up for helping us with the boring part.

noon?? fucking alright i guess i gotta put pants on

lmao yeah, sorry. My parents woke us up at EIGHT like that's a normal time to be awake????

desgostang

What?

ill send u the link later and also no i didnt feel weird yesterday you guys are nice

That's good! And hey I wanted to ask. You were kind of put on the spot with introducing yourself, would you rather we called you Dan or Winnie? I just wanna make sure we aren't making you uncomfortable at all lmao

no its all fine you can call me dan idc and actually its best if you do call me dan when youre in my work lmao

Are you totally sure?

why would i lie abt this. dont be an idiot it isnt a good look on you

haha okay. I’ll see you around noon.

--

“Christopher is a nice boy,” Phil’s mum is telling him as she helps him with their fancy new coffeemaker. There are so many buttons and Phil is so, so tired. “And Sophie is lovely, such a soft-spoken thing. Why haven’t we met them before, dear?”

“Dunno,” Phil says instead of the truth, which is that he’d had no idea how he was supposed to introduce them. “You have now, though.”

His mum laughs and reaches up to pat his cheek. “True enough. I’m so happy that you’ve got good people around you, Philip. I’ve gotten quite worried about you down there by yourself, you know.”

“I’m not by myself,” says Phil. “I live with, like, thirty people.”

“Bunch of strangers, I’ll bet,” she says, because she knows him. “Aside from those three.”

The thing is, she’s not wrong. Phil’s obviously exaggerating about the number of people under the roof of the creaky Brighton house, but the truth is that he can’t keep track half the time. A lot of the rooms get sublet out randomly, or a significant other will start spending so much time around the place that they might as well pay rent, and Phil really isn’t good with new people. He gets along fine with Holly and Dave, but they’ve been there as long as he has and the closest they’ve ever come to a heart-to-heart was comparing anxiety meds over burned pancakes.

Chris and Sophie were there when Phil moved in, and they’d taken one look at him and decided to just keep shoving into his space until he liked having them there, like they were on a mission to adopt PJ’s sad, ghost-obsessed friend from the internet.

“You might be right,” Phil says, feeling a smile tug at his lips for the first time all morning. He’s already had a coffee - and a half, when PJ declared that not even Kath could make coffee taste good and shoved the rest of his Phil’s way - but he still doesn’t feel fully awake. “I’m only really friends with Chris and Soph because of PJ.”

“PJ is a good friend to you, isn’t he?” his mum hums. That slightly pointed tone doesn’t get to Phil the way it usually does, because he knows that she’s just trying to understand him.

It doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that he’s looking into a mirror whenever he sees his parents watching him carefully, waiting for him to tell them something he hasn’t explicitly said, because he’s been doing the exact same thing to his housemates for nearly two years.

Maybe he’ll tell his parents when he’s got someone serious or even, like, semi-serious. Longer than two dates would be a record at this point. But right now he already feels like he’s been one misstep away from disappointing them, and he doesn’t want to take the gamble that his sexuality will be that misstep.

He’s not up for this conversation, though, isn’t sure he’ll ever be, so he just says, “Yeah, he is.”

--

Dan is late. They’re so late, actually, that Phil’s wheel of worst case scenarios has been spinning silently and getting faster and faster the more caffeine he chugs. They roll in with flushed cheeks and a jacket that looks too thin, apologies on their shiny lips that Phil doesn’t even hear for a couple of seconds because he’s too busy staring at them.

“No worries,” Sophie says, interrupting their rambling before they lose another half hour to it. “You want something? I’m getting a refill.”

“No, no, let me,” says Dan. They shrug off their jacket and hang it on one of the empty chairs. Phil and his friends have co-opted the largest table in the place so they can spread out with their laptops and notebooks, and it doesn’t escape Phil’s notice that Dan has decided to sit next to him when they’ve got a couple of options. “I get free drinks if Gabe’s in a good mood. Anyone else need a refill?”

“Me,” Chris says, not looking up from his screen. “Not Phil. He’s cut off.”

“Hey,” Phil protests weakly. His heart rate really has picked up since they sat down, so he knows Chris has a point.

Dan grins, their soft cheeks giving way to the dimples that Phil is very quickly growing obsessed with. He just wants to make Dan smile and laugh constantly, to hear them cackle and see all the lines in their round face deepen with happiness.

Right. Phil watched a horror movie with PJ instead of unpacking this fluttering start of a crush last night, and now he’s just got to deal with it for the rest of the day.

As if it’s a compulsion, Dan clears the empty mugs from their table before heading up to the counter. Phil focuses on the EMF readings so he doesn’t get caught up on Dan holding four mugs by the handles with total ease.

PJ has got headphones on and his eyes closed, so he might not even have noticed that Dan is there. He’s been going through Sophie’s footage and his own audio recordings to try and find some anomalies while Chris looks for the weird visual stuff - they’re a great team at that, and it makes Phil feel like he’s not doing enough. Sure, he could find those things on his own, but not as quickly as they can when it’s a team effort, and they’re on a bit of a tight schedule here. Well, his housemates are. They’ve got actual jobs to get back to once the weekend is over.

Allegedly, Sophie is doing research on sigils, but it looks to Phil like she’s just doodling. Not that he really blames her if she is. He’s barely been paying attention to the chart he’s making of spikes in electromagnetism because he’s been so busy watching the door for Dan.

And Dan looks… good. They’re wearing chunky boots and a shirt that falls to their thighs - a dress, maybe, but it looks like a regular black t-shirt that got extended at the hem - with tight white jeans. The only colour on them is the plaid shirt around their waist and the shiny red product on their lips to match it. Phil watches them lean against the counter and grin at the older barista, and he’s so distracted by looking at their profile that he startles when a foot connects with his under the table.

“Stop staring,” Sophie says, quiet and smiling. “He’s going to notice.”

Phil considers correcting her, but then he remembers that he probably doesn’t have to. Dan had said any pronouns, that they didn’t care how they were referred to, so it would definitely be weirder to act like he knows better than Sophie.

He knows he won’t be able to use masculine terms for Dan. Not because they aren’t true, because he’s pretty sure they’re no less accurate than neutral or feminine would be, but because thinking of Dan as a maculine person is only going to allow Phil’s brain to fall into the familiar traps of gender in ways he doesn’t want to allow.

Gay monkey brain doesn’t need any more leeway in finding Dan attractive, that’s for damn sure.

“So, what are we doing?” Dan asks, interrupting Phil’s thoughts, and, wow, four mugs is a lot more impressive when they’re full of hot liquid. Phil marvels at Dan’s ability not to trip and spill it all as they dole out the coffee and teas.

“I’m doing the boring part,” says Phil. He turns his screen so Dan can see the Excel spreadsheet and laughs at the face they make. “Yeah. It's not glamorous, but it's the easiest way to find patterns in the EMF readings. Honestly, most of my job is just staring at things and finding patterns in them. Like, uh, what's that guy? With the butterfly splotches?"

"Worcestershire," Chris suggests.

"Rorschach," Dan corrects him, lips twitching like they aren't sure if they're allowed to laugh in Chris' face or not.

“That’s exactly what I said,” says Chris.

“You know EMF meters don’t have anything to do with ghosts, right?” Dan asks, ignoring Chris completely and leaning a bit closer to Phil to get a better look at his laptop. “I mean, none of this has anything to do with ghosts, really, but you’re more or less just measuring electricity.”

Phil is aware of that. He wonders if Dan thinks he just stumbles into haunted houses with equipment he hasn’t researched and waits to be spooked. He’s too distracted by how close Dan is and how good they smell to work up to proper offense, though. “Yeah,” he says simply. “But don’t you think it’s weird that the place still has electricity to begin with? Who’s paying for that?”

“A Wilkins, I’d imagine.”

“But why? If they’ve forgotten about the property or abandoned it on purpose, surely they wouldn’t still pay the bills.”

“Maybe they don’t handle their own finances,” Dan suggests. “How rich were these assholes?”

“I honestly don’t know,” says Phil. He taps his fingers in an erratic pattern on the edge of his laptop, trying to spark something in his mind.

It’s almost disappointing when Dan pulls away to dig out their own sleek Macbook out of their messenger bag, but Phil is also glad for it. He can think a lot easier when the warm scent of spice and mint isn’t clogging his brain.

Dan slots into the work as easily as if a space was left for them. They’ve got dozens of tabs open already and they start to go through them, cross-referencing magic things with Sophie in quiet tones and digging deeper into the Wilkins family than Phil ever would have thought to. Every so often they tap Phil on the arm and drag him into whatever rabbithole they’ve fallen down, chatting animatedly.

Phil knows, objectively, that Dan is a fan of his and that Dan is weird about research. It’s another thing entirely to watch it happen in real time, to see Dan pull up local census PDFs from the eighties and explain why chaos magic is bullshit in the same breath.

An hour or so goes by like that, all of them working on their own things with minimal words exchanged by everybody but Dan, and then Chris shouts loud enough to make the barista jump. Nobody else is in the coffee shop right now, which is lucky, because Dan’s got a hand over their chest and Sophie has slopped tea down her front. PJ, with his headphones on, simply cracks an eye open.

“What the fuck was that about?” Phil asks, putting his own palm against his chest to feel his heart race. Dan raises their eyebrows and looks at Phil, seemingly distracted from the startling, wordless exclamation.

They don’t get a chance to say whatever they’re thinking, though, because Chris is turning his laptop to the rest of the table and grinning wide like the Cheshire Cat. “I found something.”

Everybody gathers round, PJ getting up to lean over the back of Phil’s chair and Sophie getting so far into Dan’s personal space that Phil is certain they’re uncomfortable with it, and then Chris presses play upside down. It’s part of Sophie’s footage, Phil standing in the dim foyer and looking frustrated. Even without sound, Phil can tell that this is when he was arguing with Sophie about going upstairs. He squints, but he can’t see whatever it is that’s got Chris being so loud.

“What am I looking at?” PJ asks when the short clip ends, and Dan hums an agreement. Chris makes a frustrated noise like they’re being obtuse on purpose and rewinds to the beginning.

"There," Chris says, excited like he hasn't been since they got to Manchester. He taps his finger against the laptop screen. "D'you see it? D'you see the shadow?"

Now that Chris has pointed it out, Phil does see something. He moves his own laptop and notebook out of the way to pull Chris’ closer with a frown. Chris lets him do that, bouncing in his seat a little bit.

“That’s straight up a person,” Phil says slowly, tracing the outline of the shadow with the mouse. It’s behind him, in the entry to the kitchen, and it looks tall. Quite a bit taller than Phil, anyway, if he’s remembering that doorframe correctly. He decides to measure it next time they go so he isn’t going off memory. “I knew we weren’t alone in there. Like. I’m not crazy, that’s a human being.”

“That’s what I thought,” says Chris. “But press play.”

So Phil presses play. He watches the shadow stay perfectly still in the kitchen doorway until, suddenly, it’s not there anymore. He blinks, rewinds, and watches it disappear again.

Phil’s caffeinated brain is firing on all cylinders now. He grins and shoves his sleeves up to his elbows before he starts fiddling with the clip. The lighting gets played with until the shadow is more obvious and then he slows it down to 0.25 times speed to see if the shadow really just vanishes.

He presses play again. This time, with a very slow-motion Phil talking in the foreground, he sees the shadow move. It runs sideways, further into the house.

“What the fuck?” Dan breathes.

“We are not going back there without some serious protection,” PJ says, even firmer on the topic now.

“What, like sigils?” Dan asks, their pretty eyes wide even as they scoff. “You’d be better off with a fucking, like, baseball bat, mate. That doesn’t look like something that wants to be your friend.”

“I’ve got a crowbar in PJ’s trunk,” Phil says, absent-minded as he plays with the clip some more.

“Excuse me? When did you put that in my car?”

“Couple months ago.”

“Huh. How have I not noticed?”

“You’re not the most observant person I’ve ever met,” says Phil. He looks up at Chris, who’s got the same exhilarated look that Phil is sure he’s mirroring. They don’t get evidence like this very often, something so clearly there that it’s even got a skeptic’s mind racing. Phil exports the edited clip and then the original, putting them both into the Cloud and emailing them to himself. “Was this the only time you saw it?”

Chris nods, accepting his laptop back when Phil is done with it. “I’ll look through everything again, now that I know what I’m looking for and all, but I think that’s it.”

“Okay, cool.” Phil looks around at his friends and Dan, beaming. “Something weird is happening. I love it when something weird is happening.”

“I hate it when something weird is happening,” PJ says, which is a blatant lie.

“Well, we can’t go snooping around until it’s darker out, anyhow,” Sophie reminds them.

“Wait, we’re snooping?” Dan asks, their voice going up an entire octave in disbelief. “Like… you just saw that someone is there and probably not happy about people sneaking around, right? Don’t you have enough for a video already?”

“We’re spending the night,” says Phil. “It’s what we do.”

“It’s what you do,” PJ corrects him.

“Okay, yeah, you guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m coming,” says PJ.

As if she can’t hear them bickering, Sophie turns to Dan with a sweet smile, her eyes twinkling with the same excitement in Chris’. They love this, just like Phil does. “What about you, Dan?” she asks. “Are you going to have a ghost sleepover with us?”

“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Dan says, their eyes still glued to the back of Chris’ laptop like they can see the shadow through it.

“Guess you don’t have anything to be afraid of, then,” says Chris.

“Uh, axe murderers, maybe?”

“We know what we’re doing, Dan,” Phil reassures them. He reaches a hand out to pat at their arm, feeling a bit awkward about it. “But you don’t have to come with us if you’re scared.”

That makes Dan’s gaze shift. Suddenly, those brown eyes are staring right into Phil’s soul, defiant and beautiful and impossible to look away from.

“Who said I was fucking scared?”

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[blastthatsadfm]

I WAS TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO GO ALL DGM BUT! top 5 dgm characters?

YOU CAN GO ALL THE DGM YOU WANT TO GO, Its not a problem at all! ⋆Ask me my “TOP 5” anything! LETS GO!5 - Lenalee Lee- I appreciate Lenalee now so much more than I used to appreciate, before. To be completely honest, she’s still very much a stereotypical female character of a shounen manga, but I do feel like Lenalee always had more Heart than other female characters filling the same stereotypical roles, on other shounen mangas (I’m thinking of Ky.oko on KHR, Sak/ura on Tsub.asa, even Urara.ka from BNHA). Its hard to explain now, but lots of things feel like Lenalee, rather than feeling like “heres the main girl from this almost all male cast”. Now I can understand her character arc and how it was about protecting her kindness on a cruel, cruel world, instead of assuming a cold, unbothered facade. On the moments she cried, it felt natural and even brave to do so. Its crazy to think that not every exorcist is absolutely overwhelmed with their depressing missions, and seeing Lenalee letting it all out feels refreshing, and it feels very her, too. She’s sensitive and a gentle soul who’s endured a lot and knows she’s endured a lot. And even though she’s brave and strong cuz she had to become brave and strong, her kindness is still very much her priority. When she sheds tears saying “welcome home” to Allen before they enter the Ark is… Is the Soul of DGM, you know what I mean? That one moment is DGM’s very own Soul.4 - LulubellUNLIKE! YOU! I really loved the anime, it was my defining anime, when I was growing up. And I do love how they explored Lulu’s character. I think she’s super Cool, man, the kinda side character that you fall in love with and dedicate yourself thinking about just on solely the very few moments she has. I love her power and I think it was one of the best ways I saw that kind of power being nicely explored on a villain (the “Changing your appearance” type). She’s cool, elegant, seems to be analytical and intelligent, all of that while being Lust and without (at least for a long time on the manga) being sexualized. 13 year old me Loved Her and dedicated a lot of Brain Power thinking about her and shipping her with Tyki.

 3 - Allen WalkerI Love Allen’s character! (Or Allie, if you prefer!); I love their kindness, and how, ultimately, their kindness is their strength. This has been explored time and time again on so many shounen mangas but I dont think it has ever been so well done as with Allen on DGMS’s first 9 volumes. I mean, Akumas are some of the fucking worst and most Cruel Creations as enemies on a shounen, and Allen wants?? To save them?? Has always wanted. Allen always respected them and Felt for them, out of their empathy for their souls and for the Loss they represent. Those feelings take So Much, so much out of them, and you feel it! You feel it while they cry about their resolution to save them, right on Crowley’s arc, and their cursed eye evolves, on volume 4. You feel that no one is with Allen on this, and they know. They keep on persevering to save as much as they can, how much they can, even when they’re fighting lost battles. The second volume with the Doll arc, represented that very well, and you could see how unreasonable Allen’s self sacrificing ways felt. Their dialogue with Kanda “We are destroyers, not savers” - “Then I wanna be a destroyer that can save”, so heartfelt, so stupid and so humble. Allen’s self sacrificial ways inevitably makes people around them Suffer, but they cant get rid of this trait because its their Core one. Its what drives DGM as such a humane, empathetic story, how you feel for the Fallen, for the Akumas, even for the Noahs, and you’re right to feel so, cuz Allen drives the story and they try everything to save (and feel for, and respect) lost causes. Something about Allen and their amount of kindness feels so, so, ultimately tragic.2 - Lavi Bookman Jr.One drawing I have of Lavi without his bandana was one of the first drawings Ive ever felt completely proud of, when I made it on seventh grade. I feel like Lavi’s character is almost entirely done on his very own character design. He’s so beautiful and daring and Cool, ya know? Something about him is so fucking chill. When we found out later he’s a Distant person who needs to dissociate from everything around him, naturally, almost by profession, it feels like him, too. How he’s so airy and calm when literally the Worst Fucking things are happening around. How he’s capable of smiling every time, even at the face of the worst situations. Bravery? No, our boy is a fucking coward. Its just Pure Dissociation (and a little bit of self hate).

I feel like Lavi always had those depths we can almost  touch out of how well they seem to come out of his character but… We never really got to see them entirely, and well executed and we probably never will. He was Hoshino’s first protagonist on one of her first ideas, so I think thats why she could give off that feeling on Lavi’s character. She knows him and have always knew him, better than us, and this is why he feels so real, but she will, ultimately never be able to tell his story on the way she probably meant to. 

And that shit hurts, but thanks for the memories, Hoshino. which is incidentally the fall out boy song I associate with Lavi, along with carpal tunnel of love.

1 - Kanda Yu,

Hey, I love my man. 

I could be done with only this phrase, but lets try to drive this car to memory road. Yu was the first character I headcanoned as something like trans/non binary without even knowing those terms. (again, confused 13 years old.) I remember reading tidbits of something that I realize now and only now, was hentai and it depicted Yu with breasts and I remember thinking “ah, cool, this might as well be.” or something, anyway yeah, fucked up that I was trying to read that, but I feel like it drives my point home about how I feel towards him. I liked his appearance a lot the way it was and felt it was kinda unnecessary when Hoshino made a point to draw him less pretty, androgynous boy and more manlish like on his face. But of course, nostalgia might be playing a factor into this. 

Kanda is just so fucking cool, u know? The way I like him so much is almost unreasonable. I like his clothes, I liked his weapon, I liked his Innocence powers, I liked his boots (to this day I headcanon he is the kind of guy who wears only boots on a modern day AU), I loved (loved) his introductory arc, with the Singing Doll, and his phrase “we’re destroyers, not savers” was said with so much … grief. It’s not like he wants to look cool in front of Allen, that was the phrase of somebody who witnessed so much loss and destruction, he got used to it, it was a warning from Kanda to Allen. The thing is that exorcists technically are saviors, they are the good guys and the world needs them. So Kanda telling this to Allen was indicative of some major shit he’s probably been through while going through missions and trying to save people. He always felt like the kind of character that was an asshole because he needed to become one (plus just his natural lack of social skills). Ever since the beginning, I had my eye on him He was very effortlessly cool cuz he honestly didnt give a shit to anybody else, as this lonesome character; and his disagreements with Allen felt very real and in place. Their personalities and attitudes just didn’t match and it created a good symmetry of having Lenalee and Lavi as their best friends and the people they had a soft spot for. Not gonna lie, the Lavi/Yu ship is a HUGE REASON as to why those two are in my thoughts even to this day. They completed each other effortlessly, by personalities; and Lavi was the only one to call Kanda “Yu” while Kanda called him “stupid rabbit”, it was nice, ok? also they were closer in age … Loved them so much, even their seyuus used to ship them. 

Anyway, Kanda up until like … volume 17 of DGM was 9/10, one of the most important characters in my life, just so you know.

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough. 

Chapter Summary: Joel's jealous of how much Gray texts Natsu, and Natsu and Erza are concerned about how much time Gray's spending with Joel.

Chapters (9/21):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

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sleepovers

in·fat·u·a·tion | \ in-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən noun : a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something : strong and unreasoning attachment

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iv april five years ago

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“Why are you always on your phone?”

Joel’s voice is sullen, and when Gray looks up, Joel’s brow is furrowed in annoyance. Gray glances over at the TV where Joel’s playing ‘Halo,’ then back down at his screen.

“Sorry,” he says, “I’m just texting Natsu, I wasn—”

Joel reaches over and grabs the phone from Gray’s hands, tossing it to the end of the couch. Gray sits there for a moment, stunned.

“What the hell?” Gray asks after a second. He tries to reach out and pick up the phone, but Joel’s legs are over his, and Joel shifts so that Gray can’t move away. “What’s your deal?”

There’s a tense moment before Joel sighs, and Gray watches his expression turn from irritated to disappointed. “You’d rather talk to him than me,” Joel says, looking away from Gray and down at the controller on his lap.

“Hey, no, that’s not true,” Gray says, anger immediately dissipating. He reaches over and grabs Joel’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m sorry, I just thought—I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

It’s true. Since Joel and Gray started dating three months ago, it’s been harder and harder for Gray to make time for Natsu. Joel likes to hang out with Gray in the evenings, and Gray doesn't blame him – they're both in school all day long, and it’s nice to relax together.

“I know,” Joel says, running his fingers over Gray’s. “It just feels like... you wish you were still with him, not me.”

Continue reading on AO3

The statement hits harder than Gray would like to admit. Joel is amazing, and he makes Gray feel special and loved, but there’s a tiny part of Gray that still lights up every time he gets a text or e-mail from Natsu.

“He’s my best friend,” Gray insists, trying to push those thoughts away. Joel deserves better than that.

“But I’m your boyfriend,” Joel says, and Gray’s stomach immediately twists with guilt. “It makes me feel shitty when you text him instead of talking to me.”

Gray looks down at the discarded phone, then back at Joel, whose expression is downcast. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

Joel’s eyes search Gray’s face, and then he picks up the phone and opens it to Gray’s message history with Natsu. Gray’s eyes widen and he reaches out unconsciously to take the phone back.

“You have something to hide?” Joel asks, looking at him suspiciously, and just like that, the edge is back to his voice. Gray shakes his head and Joel turns back to the phone. His face hardens as he reads back through the messages, and Gray desperately tries to think of what could be in there that’s making Joel upset.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as Joel’s hand tightens around his.

“He’s still in love with you,” Joel says, voice low. He flips the phone around to Gray and points to a text from a few weeks ago.

we went to the lake here last night and watched the stars. thought of you, i miss u so much xo

“W-we...” Gray’s about to explain about the stars and the lake and their old summer traditions, but Joel’s not listening, just scrolling back through message after message. The further back he goes, the tighter his grip becomes on Gray’s hand.

“Are you still in love with him?” Joel asks eventually.

Gray shakes his head vehemently. “No, I—I love you, we’ve just...”

“This doesn’t feel like you love me,” Joel says softly. He scrolls back down to the last few messages and re-reads them.

Natsu: i got a summer job here but i talked to erza about coming back to visit in june after my exams

Gray: Really?

Natsu: yeah : ) maybe we can go out to the lake or something <3

Gray: That would be awesome. I miss you so much.

Gray frowns, looking between the phone and Joel. “I don’t unders—”

“You didn’t tell me about this.” Joel’s squeezing Gray’s hand so tightly that it’s starting to hurt. “You’re making plans with him behind my back?”

“What?” Gray winces, trying to pull his hand away, but Joel won’t let go. “That’s not for another two months, nothing’s for sure, why—”

“You’re supposed to tell me these things!” Joel protests, face drawn in disappointment. “How can I trust you if you’re keeping secrets from me with your ex?”

“I didn’t—”

“You did, don’t lie to me!” Joel tosses the phone onto the floor and digs his fingers dig harder into the back of Gray’s hand.

“Joel, stop it, you’re hurting me!”

Joel immediately lets go of Gray’s hand and Gray pulls back from him, staring down at the bright red marks on his hand and wrist as the blood rushes back to the skin.

“Gray, baby, I’m sorry,” Joel says gently, reaching out to take Gray’s hand. “Hey, c’mon, lemme see.” He runs his thumb over the marks, then brings Gray’s fingers to his lips and kisses the marks. “It’s not that bad, honey.”

“I...”

Joel sighs. “I didn’t mean to,” he murmurs. He pulls Gray into his arms and rubs his thumb over the back of Gray’s hand. “I just get so upset, I… I don’t wanna lose you, and when you do stuff like that, it makes me feel…”

A wave of guilt rushes over Gray. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, pressing his forehead to Joel’s shoulder. “I should have said something.”

“It’s okay,” Joel says, kissing Gray’s head and running a hand down his back. “Just don’t lie to me, okay? I love you. I don’t wanna get upset.”

“I love you, too,” Gray says, wrapping his arms around Joel’s waist and snuggling up to him.

They sit like that for a long time, and eventually Joel reaches down and passes Gray’s phone back to him. He doesn’t say anything about the crack across the screen, and Gray doesn’t mention it.

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Natsu [11:38] i think i can drive up on the 13th, does that work for you? xo

Gray [12:20] I think so, let me talk to Joel.

-----

“You’re bailing on movie night again?”

Erza stands in the door to the kitchen, hair pulled up in a messy bun, arms crossed over her chest. Gray hates the look she’s giving him, and he forces himself to ignore it and focus on tying his laces.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking at his watch. “I know it’s really last-minute, but Joel asked me to—”

“It’s always last minute,” Erza interrupts. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.���

Gray sighs, standing up and running his fingers through his hair. “Erza, I live here,” he says patiently, gesturing down the hallway to his room. “I see you every day.”

“Saying hey, have a good day while you’re staring at your phone and leaving the apartment doesn’t count as seeing you,” Erza says, shaking her head. “I miss you.”

“You have Jellal,” Gray says sullenly, leaning back against the door. He’s supposed to meet Joel in twenty minutes, and Joel hates being late.

“Ellie.” Erza’s voice is kinder than Gray expects, and when he looks up at her, he can’t really read her expression. “You’re one of my best friends. I just miss spending time with you.”

Gray fiddles with the buttons on his shirt – it was a birthday gift from Joel, a dark blue that matches his eyes. It fits just right over the binder they ordered online, and it makes Gray feel right.

“Does Joel... not like us?” Erza asks gently, and Gray looks up at her quickly.

“What? Why would you ask that?” Gray asks, frowning.

“He just doesn’t seem to want to come over here,” Erza says, pulling her hair out of its bun and combing it out, then starting to braid it. “I mean, you guys have been dating for what – four months? And I feel like we’ve seen him maybe twice?”

Gray groans, tipping his head back and staring at the patterns on the ceiling. “Please don’t lecture me, I’m getting enough of that from Natsu.” Erza gives Gray a look and he rolls his eyes. “You’re moving so fast, we never talk anymore, blah blah blah – look, he left. You wanted me to move on, and I am, and now you’re giving me shit about it!”

Erza gives Gray a look that, a year ago, would have had him cowering. Now he glares right back at her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not giving you shit about anything,” Erza says, stepping forward and reaching out for Gray. He grumbles, but lets her pull him closer. “I’m happy that you’re happy. So’s Natsu.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Gray mumbles.

Erza doesn’t say anything, just hugs him tighter and presses a kiss to his head. She smells like popcorn, and for a minute, Gray feels guilty. Then he remembers that Joel is waiting for him.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go,” he says, pulling back and squeezing Erza’s hands. “Next weekend we’ll do movie night, okay?”

“Promise?” Erza asks, and Gray nods absently.

“Yeah. Promise.”

-----

Natsu [13:49] hey, how’d your calc test go? we still good to talk tmw? xo

Natsu [18:33] elllllllie. ells. ell-e-phant. answer your phooooone.

Natsu [20:14] seriously, whats up with you? i miss you

Natsu [21:22] erza says you bailed on her again – dude, whats going on?

Natsu [23:56] im gonna spam you with cute kittens until you answer me

Natsu [22:57] attachment .gif

Natsu [22:58] attachment .gif

Natsu [22:59] attachment .gif

Natsu [23:00] attachment .gif

Natsu [23:23] its 11:11 so i wished for my best friend to text me... <3

Gray [01:34] Heyy sry was at a partty, dunno if we can call tmw but I miss you too <3

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By the time they leave the party, it’s almost two in the morning, so Gray crashes at Joel’s place. His roommates are both asleep, and as soon as Joel closes the bedroom door behind them, he grabs Gray around the waist and nudges him onto the bed.

“You look fuckin’ hot as hell,” Joel murmurs against Gray’s skin, hands slipping up under Gray’s shirt and rubbing circles on his back. Gray’s exhausted and still pretty drunk, but he hums and lets Joel kiss his neck. “All my friends are jealous, y’know.”

“Hmm?” Gray blinks at Joel blearily as Joel pushes him back and hovers over him, fingers tugging at the buttons of Gray’s shirt.

“I saw Seth staring at your ass,” Joel says, settling between Gray’s legs and pressing down against him. “He was checkin’ you out all night.”

“’s cause you bought me nice jeans,” Gray mumbles, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Then he frowns, tipping his head back so he can see Joel’s face a bit clearer. “Do… do any of them know I’m…”

Joel shakes his head. “Babe, nobody thinks you’re a girl.” He runs his fingers through Gray’s close-cropped hair and tugs on it gently, tipping his head to the side to press kisses across his throat. “You’re not a girl.”

Gray nods, then runs his hands down to Joel’s hips, stilling the way he’s grinding against Gray.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, pulling back and frowning.

“I…” Gray chews his lip. “I’ve been thinking.” He hesitates. “About, like… hormones and stuff. Or surgery, I dunno.”

Joel sits up, studying Gray’s face before running his hands up Gray’s stomach to the edge of his binder. “You wanna get rid of these?” he teases, slipping his fingers under the tight fabric. Gray gives him a half-hearted glare and knees him gently in the ribs.

“Yeah,” he says. “I just… I dunno how to talk to my dad about it.”

Gray’s parents still think he’s a girl, and Gray doesn’t know if he can tell them. His dad’s the pastor in Magnolia now, and Gray’s pretty sure his sermons don’t include love for people like Gray.

“Fuck ‘em,” Joel says. His words are slurred from drinking but his gaze is intent. Gray frowns. Joel’s met his parents, once, and Gray’s mom adored him. “They… if they don’t like who you are, then they shouldn’t be in your life.”

“But…” Gray pushes himself up on his elbows and shakes his head, trying to clear it. “They’re my parents.”

“If they don’t love you for who you are, who cares what they think?” Joel argues. He runs his hands back down to Gray’s sides and squeezes. “I love you just like this.”

“I know,” Gray says softly, tugging Joel down for a kiss. “And I wanna be me, all the time.”

Gray hasn’t really mentioned the idea of actually transitioning to anyone else. With everyone other than Joel, he’s still Ellie, even though he's tried over and over again to tell Natsu. It just never comes out right, and he ends up deleting the words before he can send them.

“You can always be who you are with me,” Joel says, pressing their foreheads together. “Hey, y’know... y’know what? We should live together. Then... you can be you all the time.”

Gray blinks in surprise, trying to pull back to look at Joel, but Joel shakes his head and kisses Gray again instead. He tastes like cheap beer and cigarettes, and his stubble scratches Gray’s bottom lip. Gray sighs, sinking back into the mattress.

“Okay,” he says against Joel’s lips. “Yeah. Let’s... talk about it in the mornin’.”

-----

Natsu – 2hrs ago Missed Call

Natsu – 1hr ago Missed Call

Natsu – 38min ago Missed Call

Natsu – 12min ago 12 Messages

Natsu – 2min ago Missed Call

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hey coon, I’m trying to write an original book and for some reason I’ve gotten bad writers block and everything I write I feel isn’t good enough and it’s putting me in a bad head space and really depressing me. Is there anything you do if/when you have writer block that you find helps you or maybe just give some words of encouragement? Sorry for the more sad ask It’s just been bringing me down. Hope you’re having a beautiful day.

Hello, buddy!!!

First of all, don’t you ever, EVER again say sorry for a ‘more sad’ ask. If you ever apologize again for something like that IMMA BITE YOU >:( U NO SAY SORRY FOR BEING SAD! U NO SORRY FOR TALKING ABOUT IT WITH A FREN! U HAPPY AMIDST THE SADNESS BECAUSE U HAVE A FRIEND U CAN TELL UR PROBLEMS TO!!!!!!

Really, it’s more than just okay. I don’t know if you’ve seen it before, but I’ve said a couple times when someone asks or brings the subject up, this isn’t a happy and safe place because every ask is happy. Even the sad asks make of this a happy and safe place, because even when the ask is sad, you know what that implies? That the person behind the screen got a chance to vent their thoughts. Hence, there’s a little weight off their chest. Getting to talk about what’s bothering you is always the first big step for recovery. It may seem small, and it is, but it takes courage to take that step. And from that point on, it’s snowball effect; it was a tiny movement, yes, but if it wasn’t for that little first movement, we wouldn’t have the big ball of progress that happens later on. 

And besides that, it implies some trust. You’re giving some trust on me, and isn’t that beautiful? And besides that, I sometimes can come up with some advice, or with at least sincere comfort. And isn’t that beautiful too??? So don’t say sorry. I’m here not just for the happy asks. I’m here for both the happy and the sad asks, because, I said it myself, didn’t I? Happy and safe place. And that includes safety to your feelings and thoughts. So don’t hesitate about it, don’t think that I don’t ‘like’ sad asks, or that I’ll be upset about it. And don’t you ever, ever apologize again. Aye?

Ahaha…I didn’t mean to rant about that!! I just wanted to keep that clear. Can’t let a buddy think they did wrong when it’s fine!!

Aye, I see the problem. 

How to get over writer block, huh…

Well, okay, let me add a keep reading here! If anyone else is reading this and wants to see, go ahead. The only inconvenience is that I talk too much, so this isn’t a quick guide, it’s just personal rant trying to help a buddy, but if you’re curious, you click that link c:

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL

Congratulations on starting an original book!!! WOW, BUDDY, THAT’S PHENOMENAL! THAT’S FANTASTIC!!! Holy moogles above, I’m SO excited and so happy for you!!!! :D

It takes something to start a project like that. Mostly because I know you care about what you’re doing, you’re not just one of those random people that write mere trash not knowing what they’re talking about. I think I’ve never read anything from you, but I don’t need that. From our interactions and the way you write even if it’s just in a conversation, I can tell for sure that you care and you’re GREAT at it. Besides, you wouldn’t be stressing this much if you wouldn’t care a bout it, right? 

That’s your first big hint that should help you calm down and be happier about it; the fact that you’re putting a lot of you into it. All this stress and the way the block is depressing you, all these feelings and all these sensations, you wouldn’t be feeling them if you didn’t care. If it wasn’t something special for you. If you didn’t want it to turn out fantastically.

I don’t mean to say that you need to be stressed and depressed every minute as you work on this, no. It’s okay once, twice, every here and there, but every time that it happens, you take that negativity and you see it from the other side. Because, in the end, the fact that you feel all that is because you care, and if you care, don’t you think that that means that you’ll give the best of yourself?? And that because of that, the results will be AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING!?!??!

I trust in that!!! Sometimes, the more excited you are and the more you care about a project talks about how much effort you’re willing to put into it. I know it’s just a fic, but look at Iggy and the Beast, for example. How I can so easily get nervous and anxious about it, and yet, how nice it is, how much effort and love I?m putting into it. It’s the same. You worry because you care, and if you care, it means you’re working and will work on it with every fiber of your body. And that, my friend, hard work given with all your might…that is half the way to your goal. :)

Now, as for advice as itself on what I do when I have a writer block, that’s pretty tough to ask…

Sometimes, it’s the things every internet page recommends you. Listen to music that fits the mood or scene you’re writing. Take a breath. Brainstorming (i was about to say ‘shower of brains’ ahahahhaha). And they work, they do sometimes.

But you know what I feel you need? The way you describe your block and how it makes you feel, the…essence or vibe or color that your ask as itself radiates. It sort of tells me of the one thing that took me so long to understand.

To get rid of your block, stop writing.

Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Like, you feel you’re too slow at running no matter how hard you practice, and the trainer tells you the best thing you can do is sit down and do nothing. Or you feel like you’re not doing progress with your new jutsu and Kakashi tells you the best you can do is go rest (AHA! Saw your comment on my Naruto post recently!

You know, Jaz…sometimes what we need to progress at what we’re doing is stop what we’re doing for one second. I don’t mean forever. I mean for one second, and by one second I don’t mean that advice of ‘go take a walk and take a fresh breath and then try again’, nope. I mean, three days, two weeks, one month. Not just a minute or an hour. 

Creating isn’t meant to give you a hard time, and it definitely isn’t meant to depress you. Art is meant to be a way to express our feelings, not to worsen them. Art, indeed, has never meant to be a way to heal; what heals us is to vent out our feelings,w hich we do through art, but art as itself isn’t mean for the task. Same for the other way around, it can transmit great negativity, but it’s never meant to build it. And if you’re getting some out of it, then you need to stop.

We have limits. Physical, emotional, in every way we have limits. That includes the limits of our creative process. As much as we love creating, we’re not meant to do it 24/7. Nobody is meant to do anything 24/7 other than blinking and breathing and existing, but no activity is meant for such amounts of time. You tire yourself. And what do you expect to happen when you exhaust yourself but destruction?

Think of it like a physical challenge. Imagine writing is running, and you’re training to jump into the junior leagues or whatever the first professional round is called. So you, OBVIOUSLY, go to train, right? And what do you do to get better and faster at running? Well, you practice. You run. So you run and you run and you run. And then you hit your limits, that point where the muscles are at one movement of breaking and your lungs are all stressed and you as a whole are feeling terrible.

BUT RUNNING IS YOUR PASSION,R IGHT??? AND IF IT’S YOUR PASSION AND YOU WANT TO GET REALLY GOOD AT IT, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE EVERY DAY ALL DAY, RIGHT?

So you keep going and going.

And I assume you know the whole mess that happens then,r ight?

This whole thing about how…when you keep going after you hit your limits, you start having a backwards effect. Instead of getting faster, you’re getting slower. Instead of running better, you’re starting to stumble. Instead of getting healthier, you’re damaging your lungs, heart, other organs, and your muscles. And when the time to race comes, you’re so worn out, that you don’t make it 5 meters past the starting line before you’re already wasted.

…same for writing and any other creative process, Jaz, my dear.

You can’t push yourself too hard for too long. There’s limits. Writing every day is super healthy, but not for too long that it starts stressing you and depressing you. Sometimes, writer blocks hit randomly or for this or that. But you know what I think is happening to you, specifically? That you’re over-worrying about the book, and you’re so nervous, and you’re working too hard in it, that your brain went “That’s it, I can’t take more. I need a break from this specific thing”, and of course, naturally, it shut your writing spirits down.

And if you keep insisting on breaking it yourself, you’ll only worsen it, because we CAN’T fight against the brain’s orders! Brain wouldn’t block something if it wasn’t for OUR health. And if you insist on trying to write and write and write and write, you’ll be hitting that metal wall your brain set, and when it weakens, brain will put a SECOND, thicker, stronger barrier, and a third and a fourth AND HOW DO YOU PLAN ON BREAKING DOWN FOUR UNBREAKABLE BARRIERS, HM?

Your brain knows you’re tired. It knows this is poisoning you…your brain is only trying to block what it’s started to identify as an enemy. Don’t insist on making it worse. And don’t make of writing your enemy. Writing is an ally, a friend, a sister, a mother, a deity of its own, and it needs respect and love. Not your brain’s hatred.

And I tell you all this from experience. Why do you think the Beauty and the Beast updates take so long in between? I’m rather fast at writing (my long asks show it), so 15k is a thing of 2 or 3 days for me. So why aren’t updates weekly? 

Because I learned all this the bad way. Because I was starting to let writing, my dearest beloved art, transform into a poisoning monster that ate me. I wasted and exhausted myself worrying too much, writing too much, and giving too much, until I started doing it by force, like something that I feared but still had to do, until writing was not my friend but my owner. And no one owns no one here. You and your writing are friends. Should be friends.

Maybe you didn’t notice, because I didn’t say it explicitly, but the fic’s updates were relatively fast, and the one day I started playing Comrades and everything I talked about was Comrades, and then Dragon Age, and the updates were slower. It was because I learned that only when I stop can I continue, as ironic as it sounds. 

And sometimes it happens to specific things. Right now I’m VERY motivated for the Corqi fic, but when it’s about my ask requests or Iggy and the Beast, I’ve got to take these breaks in between. Because my asks had that effect on me too. I would answer 12k to each, sometimes 2 a day, every day…of course I exhausted myself beyond the limits.

So that’s my current advice to you, because it feels like you’re on this one specific problem, Jaz.

I wouldn’t know when it’s the ‘right’ time to come back. I don’t think there’s one specific ‘right time’. So long you let yourself rest as much as you need, then you can go try take the computer and open the document again. If, even before you write one word, it weighs in your mood, you’re not ready yet. So go back to take a break from this project, then come back some other day and try again. 

And I forgot to say, remember creators are always their greatest and toughest judge...and know that you can’t see your work as everybody else does, because you saw it grow. You remember its ugly stages. You can’t see the real beauty of it. It’s okay to correct as many things as you need to feel comfortable, but know that there’s not a thing like ‘perfect’. Not one thing is except math. But when it comes to art? Not a thing is perfect. Especially not to the artist/creator.

Remember, and I tell you this because many art and music and theatre and literature teachers told me in my high school, your art is always a thousand times more beautiful than you can see. It’s not advice or encouragement. It’s a fact.

And those are my advices to you, dear Jaz. I’m really excited and proud knowing you’ve taken up on such a journey, but I worry you may turn it into poison. Do not. Long journeys need good rests, or you’ll stay stuck in the middle and won’t reach the goal, right? So you take it easy. There’s no deadlines. There’s no pressure other than your own. Take it easy; create for the outside, don’t destroy on the inside.

Dear Jaz, I hope to hear from you again regarding this. And if this doesn’t work, you tell me and I try to figure something else out, because, as a reminder, I’m no expert and can only talk from experience!! But it’s okay. If the solution that works for me doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. We just operate differently and you need another sort of medicine, and we’ll look for it together if needed, okay?

Thank you for the good wishes and the trust, dear Jaz. And thanks for giving me a chance to put my thoughts in order (I just wrote ‘my orders into thought’ lmao) and to let me reflex!!

I wish the best for you and that original book. I bet it’s going to be phenomenal. :)

Greatest of success, dear Jaz! I hope you’re having a most beautiful night! Lots of raccoon hugs to you, my dear friend.

[retroreaderr]

UPDATED PROMPT LIST!!

Hello! Just thought we’d repost this for any new followers! I recently found the old link wasn’t working and I’m too lazy to fix it/bug widow to fix it so here we are! 

HERE is our fandom link! 

Person A is attractive, they know it, you know it, I know it, ask anybody and they’ll agree. They’re used to getting flirty comments and the general “oh geez what I would do to a body like that” and compliments on their conventionally attractive body parts. Person B gives Person A a compliment, but it catches them off guard because it isn’t “hey handsome/sexy” or something of the sort, it’s a genuine compliment on their personality/quirk they have that Person B enjoys. Person A is intrigued.

Person A constantly makes self-deprecating jokes, whilst Person B always responds with a soft “noo that’s not trueee”

Person A and Person B make a pact that if neither of them are married by 30, they will marry each other. Person B turns 30 tomorrow.

Person A and B are bored. They decide to throw things (eggs, pies, messy foods that smash on impact) at people from the top of a building. Person C is the next target, and Person B has a whole dozen of (thing) at the ready.

Person A takes Person B on a camping trip into the woods with a few friends. As they gather round the campfire and tell scary stories, Person A gets scared but doesn’t want to look weak in front of their friends. Person B notices and pretends to be scared so Person A can “make them feel safe” when in reality Person B is lowkey comforting Person A. Bonus points if they aren’t together yet.

Person A is super chill and friendly to everyone, until Person B is insulted/been rude to, then they turn into the Devil. Bonus points if Person A is like, a third of the size of Person B.

Person A and B are riding horses.

Person A and B are wholesomely cuddling 

Person A and B are not so wholesomely cuddling

Person A and B are wholesomely cuddling after a not so wholesome night

Person A: “You have a nice butt” Person B: “Thanks, I got it for my birthday.”

Person A constantly quotes Person B, but super out of context and it makes Person B sound like the horniest bastard. (Ex. A: “Like Person B said earlier, you’ve got to stroke it gently and don’t mind the hair.” B: “I WAS TALKING ABOUT PETTING MY HORSE.”)

Person A and B had a rather heart wrenching breakup months ago. Whilst out one day, Person A sees Person B talking to their friends wearing an article of Person A’s clothing that went missing right before their break up. Person A smiles sadly and let’s Person B keep it.

Person A never gives Person B flowers, instead Person A gives Person B really pretty rocks. When Person B asks why, Person A responds “they’re beautiful, and they last longer.”

Person A, B and C are in a situation where they have to leave all their weapons. Person A drops a pocket knife and a butter knife. But, Person B starts off with taking a few from their sleeves, then from their pockets, and etc. It goes on for sometime and Person A is almost breaking down in laughter while Person C is watching in terror.

Person A and B are in a fight. Person A: “You know what, suck my dick.” Person B: “I have, 10/10 would recommend.” Bonus points if they’re in public.

Person A takes Person B on a romantic date. Instead of eating opposite ends of a pasta noodle and meeting in the middle for a kiss, they use a baguette and have to get through it without laughing because Person B is super hungry and noshing down hardcore on the baguette and Person A is suggestively raising an eyebrow. (Or, Person A didn’t think through how easily you can get filled eating bread and they stop halfway through because they’re stomachs are fuLL)

Person A and Person B are lost and are getting into an argument, thing is Person B really can’t hear Person A well. Person A: “That direction!” Person B: “What erection?”. Bonus points if Person A points towards Person C and Person C quickly looks down to check if they actually do have an erection. Bonus Bonus points if Person C is a girl, but still checks just in case.

Person A is injured, and is only upset about it because it makes cuddling with Person B comfortably difficult.

Person A is a magician and they’re alone with person B and person A is like “I have some spicy stuff for u ; )” and person B gets all excited, but then person A pulls out a jalapeno out of B’s sleeve. Bonus points if Person B is excited by jalapenos.

Person A and Person B are spending the night together for the first time. Person B can’t help from giggling at Person A’s pajamas. Decide why.

Person A being so use to Person B being there that when they’re away they put their arm around the place Person B is normally sat at.

Person A, B, C and D all go out camping.

Person A is having bad stomach pains/cramps and Person B is laying beside them rubbing their tummy to make them feel better.

Person A saving Person B from getting trapped under frozen lake.

Person A and C are traveling. They pick up Person B as a hitchhiker.

She looked fiercely into his eyes, the wind blowing her hair dramatically, and with an air of confidence she said “Fuck that shit”

“So what if I broke my arm, I will fight them.”

Kissed them whilst stealing their wallet

“I’m pretending to be your significant other because you looked really uncomfortable with that stranger at the bar hitting on you”

“The sun hasn’t even come up yet and you’re asking me to do what now?”

“Oh, I promise I’m not staring. I’m just..no don’t leave-!”

“Feel free to admire my beauty"

"If I was fishing for compliments, I certainly wouldn’t be using your pond.”

33%

“Mm. Moist cake."

"WhAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T EAT YOUR MUFFIN?”  

She danced like there was no one watching. But everyone was watching her. And she looked like a dumbass.

“Put. The child. Down."

"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, bitchy and the beast."

"I’m sorry, miss…um, there’s a um..there’s something in your..oh no."

"Quit harshin’ my mellow, bro.”

I got stuck in a Port-A-Potty and was rescued by a hot stranger

Two frequent dog park goer’s find their dogs have fallen in love. Also one dog knocked the other up and they’ve now got five puppies to deal with.

You’ve come into my bar every-night for the past three years and ordered a water everytime

NoHomoBro

YesHomoBro

“War’s End” Kiss

Awkward kiss

Drunk/sloppy kiss

“Good Morning” kiss

“I almost lost you” kiss

Kiss on the nose/ear/neck/back

Needing to kiss to hide from someone

Surprised kiss

Jealous kiss. Bonus points if its on the neck/not the mouth

Kiss on a dare

Exhausted parents kiss

First kiss

Kiss at dusk/dawn/in a dream

Awkward teenage crush kiss

Returned from “the dead” kiss

“Sneaky” kisses in public places where they lowkey hope to be caught

Against a wall kiss

Snowday kiss

“I PASSED MY EXAM!” kiss

Moving around while kissing and making a mess but not caring because damn they’re good at kissing

Having a bet to see who can go the longest without wanting a kiss. Person A is appearing to hold strong, meanwhile Person B can’t help but notice the way that Person A bites at their lip when focusing and how plump it gets and holy cow they’re going to lose the bet.

“You really… That’s not exactly meant to be eaten.”

“Do you think you could just please go one day without pissing me off?”

“Just this once, okay?”

“You’re really soft.”

“May I have this dance?”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

“I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks.”

“My parents are coming over in 10 minutes, please put your trousers on.”

“This is probably a bad time, but… marry me?”

“Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?”

“I think you might be pregnant.”

“You better have a good reason for waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn.”

“I wasn’t going to wait around for you forever.”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly it seems quite dangerous.”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pick up line.”

Idiot jar au.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“You got her pregnant! What were you thinking?”

“I was going to kiss him, but then my friend texted me about going to Taco Bell, and, well, there’s this cashier that works there who is way cuter, so I bailed on the rest of the date.”

Coffeeshop AU

Generic Soulmate’s AU

Tattoo of your Soulmate’s name on your wrist AU

You write on your skin it shows up on your soulmate’s skin AU

You keep aging until you meet your soulmate so you can grow old together AU

First words your soulmate ever says to you shows up on your skin on your 18th birthday AU

Everything is black and white until you meet your Soulmate AU

Trans reader

Gay reader

Male reader

Lesbian reader

Bisexual reader

Pansexual reader

[doodlebug-aboo]

87 relmer

!!!! Thank you Sammy, for giving me the option to diss Cindy as much as possible in a fic!

Read it here on ao3!

Also! Tw for transphobia and just… CIndy being awful to Elmer (I really hate her.)

Anthony Edward Higgins met a boy named Eliasz Kasprzak in his first year of college. They were assigned as roommates. Race had been hoping he’d get his best friend, Albert, but no such luck. The two of them were going to be roommates, they planned on it, but they mixed up the final date to turn in the roommate request forms and missed it. They still hoped they’d get paired up, but they doubted it would happen. So Race was given his dorm number and roommate assignment, and frowned when he saw it wasn’t Albert. Instead he saw the name Eliasz. Albert told him he’d gotten some guy named Benjamin Davenport. They were both upset that they weren’t even rooming with anyone they knew. They figured it would be alright though. When Race eventually made his way to his dorm, he saw that his roommate had already gotten there, and claimed the left side of the room. Race was fine with that, and put his stuff on his side. When his roommate came back to the room it was only a few minutes later. Race had sat on his bed before starting any unpacking. When Race looked at him he decided that it really was alright that he wasn’t rooming with Albert. His roommate was cute. Race pulled up his texts with Albert immediately.

Higgs: yo al my roommate is cute as hell

Al: lucky, mine hasnt even shown up yet

Higgs: aw damn that sucks :(

Al: send me a pic, lemme see if he rlly is cute

Higgs: albert i am not going to take a picture of my roommate, thats creepy. if u wanna see for urself just come over to my dorm

Al: ugh fine, where is it?

Higgs: the C dormitory, 248

Al: oh alright thats like right next door to the A dormitory be there in a bit

Race looked up from his phone at his roommate, who currently had his back to him. He should probably introduce himself. “Hey, so you’re Eliasz?”

He jumped and spun around. “What? Oh, right, yeah, that’s me. Sorry. So you must be Anthony then?”

Race leaned back on his elbows. “Yeah, you can call me Race, though.”

Eliasz raised an eyebrow. “Race? Why Race?”

Race grinned. “It’s my nickname. Got it back when I was in first grade. It’s stuck with me since.”

Eliasz looked at Race quizzically. “Okay? Race it is, then.”

Race sat up again. “What, don’t you got a nickname?”

Eliasz shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

Race looked him up and down. “I’ll give you one, then. Not sure what, though. I got my nickname because I was a fast runner. I got a friend named Specs because he has glasses, one named Crutchie because he uses crutches, Jack is Cowboy but he doesn’t go by that much, it’s because he was in love with the idea of Santa Fe growing up. So our nicknames are simple and sometimes obvious. You got anything like that I can go off of?”

Eliasz shrugged. “Not that I can think of. Your group seems to be rather interesting, though.”

Race laughed. “Yeah, we are. Here, let me see if I can figure out a nickname for you. You can’t be my roommate without a nickname.” Race stood up and moved closer to Eliasz.

Eliasz eyed Race warily. “Um, what are you doing?”

Race shrugged. “Like I said, some of my friends got their nicknames over something obvious, I’m trying to see if there’s something about you that stands out that we can use. Might just have to end up calling you cutie.” Race emphasized the last statement with a wink.

Eliasz blushed furiously. “What?” He squeaked out.

Race laughed. “Hah, sorry I- Jesus dude, do you style your hair with glue?” Eliasz’ hair had been styled with hair gel, but it looked like a shit ton was used. It looked stiff as a brick. Race lit up. “I got it! That’ll be your nickname.”

Eliasz looked at him confused. “Wait, what will?”

Race beamed. “Elmer! Like Elmer’s Glue!”

Eliasz chuckled. “Alright, I guess that works. Elmer it is.”

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Race ran to get it. “Albert! Hey!” He greeted as he opened the door to his familiar face. “Here, meet Elmer, my roommate.”

Albert looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he walked into the room. “Elmer? You gave him a nickname already?”

Race smiled. “Yup!”

Albert then turned to look at Elmer. “Hey Race you were right, he is cute.” He then turned to Race with a smirk. Race made an angry noise and started flushing a slight shade of red.

Elmer smirked at that too. “So you told him I was cute?” Race tried stuttering out an answer. It wasn’t working. “Well hey, you’re pretty cute too.”

Elmer and Race started dating not too long into the year, which wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone. They got along really well, and they acted like old friends already. Race had eventually learned of Elmer’s ex from high school, a girl named Cindy, and he immediately wanted to fight her.

Race had been talking about some bad ex’s he had had, so Elmer spoke up about his. “Yeah, I had a girlfriend in high school, her name was Cindy. She was… she was really awful. One of the worst things she did was she dead named me a lot.” At this point Race had already known Elmer was trans. Elmer had been a little afraid to tell him, but Race was nothing but supportive. After that Elmer sort of spilled about all the bad things Cindy did while they dated. Race was furious, and rightfully so. Elmer reminded him that he was out of that now though, and now he had Race. Race had smiled at that. He was glad he didn’t have to deal with her anymore.

Or so he thought. Elmer and Race had gone on a sort of coffee date. They woke up a little too early for a Saturday and couldn’t go back to sleep so they decided to get coffee together. They walked to a little cafe off campus and looked at the menu before ordering. Elmer ordered a hot chocolate, he wasn’t much of a coffee drinker. Race ordered a salted caramel latte. When they were handed their drinks, Race paid, and sat down. Elmer had argued that he could pay for his own drink, but Race didn’t listen. They had been sitting down next to each other on one of the couches in the cafe, drinks already gone, when Elmer stiffened next to Race.

Race turned to see him staring at something, wide-eyed. He quickly turned to see what he was looking at, and saw a blonde girl. “Elm? Who is that.”

Elmer blinked a few times and turned back to Race. “That’s my ex-girlfriend. That’s Cindy.”

Race’s blood boiled just at the name alone. When he turned back to look at her, she was looking at Elmer and walking over. “Well, kiss me so she sees.”

Elmer looked at him confused. “What?”

Race looked at Elmer like it was obvious. “Kiss me so she sees, and realizes that you’ve found someone much better.” Elmer laughed at him and quickly leaned in to kiss him. It wasn’t anything knew, they’d kissed plenty of times before. When they pulled apart Race saw that CIndy had stopped, and was staring at them. She had a dirty look on her face that Race did not appreciate.

When she noticed Race looking she put on a fake smile and finished walking over. “Oh my gosh! Eliasz, is that you?”

Elmer looked away from her. “Hey… Cindy.”

She turned her gaze over to Race. “Who’s this? A new friend of yours?” Race couldn’t help but notice just how degrading her voice sounded.

Elmer looked her in the face now. “This is my boyfriend, Anthony.”

Her smile turned sour and, if possibly, her voice got sharper. “Oh, isn’t that nice. I didn’t think you’d be able to trick someone into liking you enough after I broke up with you.”

Elmer took a deep breath, but Race could see his hand was shaking slightly. He grabbed it in his own. “You mean when I broke up with you, Cindy?”

Cindy’s jaw clenched. “No, I broke up with you because you’re whiny and needy and annoying and I was tired of putting up with you and all of your bullshit.”

Race stood up now to be on level with Cindy, though he was actually taller. “Listen, Cindy, I really don’t appreciate how you’re talking to my boyfriend. I think it’s best that you leave.” His voice was laced with venom.

Cindy scoffed. “You know he isn’t a real boy, right? Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Race glared at her. “What’s pathetic is that you insist on trying to bring harm to my boyfriend after he broke up with you almost a year ago. You should leave and consider reevaluating your priorities. Oh, and one more thing. He is a real boy, and you’re a real piece of shit.” Cindy looked as if she was going to say something else, but instead she turned and stormed off to another corner of the cafe. Race turned back to look at Elmer. He was shaking a little more than before, and he was staring off into space. “Hey, hey, Elmer. Elm. Eliasz. Hey. I’m here, okay? I’m right here. She’s gone. She’s gone and you’re okay. Come on, let’s go back to the dorm, okay?” Elmer nodded slowly and Race helped him off of the couch and they walked together back to their dorm. Once inside, they laid down in Race’s bed, and Race pulled them both under the covers and wrapped his arms around Elmer. “She’s gone. She isn’t going to hurt you anymore, I won’t let her. What she did to you was awful, Eliasz. You aren’t any of those things she said. You aren’t whiny or needy. You’re amazing and wonderful and the most handsome boy I know. Never forget that, okay?” Elmer nodded. Race kissed his forehead, then placed kisses all over his face. They fell back to sleep together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

[danatole-headcanons]

Ace, Andy, Kena, and Vic’s Danatole Kid Hcs

@melchirits

* THE KIDS * * helo naught xhildern, it’s danatole child time * THE KIDS: Fyodor(Theo) and Lucette (Lucy) Dolokhov-Kuragin * Dickle * every close friend/relative gets One Name to suggest * all of them are really good and considerate…………..until they go to balaga, a family friend * they tell balaga that he has One Chance……. And the name he choses is dickle * “ok balaga you have one shot at this, don’t fuck it up” * “ok ok hear me out. dickle.” * anatole is dying * dolokhov is having a heart attack in the background, im fucking wheeding * “ok but give me at least three chances” * “hear me out: succulent butterfly or FUCKING NUTMOBILE” “why’d you scream the second one?” “Because it should be in all caps” “get the fuck out” * “you had one chance, WE’RE NOT NAMING OUR GOTDAM SON DICKLE” * “but can the middle names spell dickle, what about troika” * “balaga please get out of our house it’s midnight” * “how about pikachu. Or ash ketchum.” * fedya, screaming from the background, heart attack paused: “YES” “i think i thought of the perfect name” balaga literally gets to anatole’s height by climbing him and whispers, “the loud THX noise from that one movie.”[a] * “name the child the THX noise” “balaga,,,,its been four days please leave” * he Won’t give up * Other balaga recommendations: * FUCKING NUTMOBILE * lucas steele, and variants * paul pinto * razor boy * succulent * marvin * paul pinto in khakis * lucifer * succulent butterfly * lampost * trash can * naruto * pikachu * ash ketchum * kukas steeke * THX noise * fursuit * (anatole kicks him out after that one) * ALSO * “fedya you are the father” * “so are you” * “oh shit true” * the first child (theo) grows up and learns that they were literally almost named fucking nutmobile and is ready to deck both balaga and their dads * balaga is like “im gonna teach your kid how to drive” * anatole astral projects while Everyone it holding fedya back from destroying balaga * balaga teaches the kid how to drive anyway bc fedya and anatole can’t stop him * so the kid gets pulled over by a cop the first time they drive (w/balaga) bc of course * the police person is just like “I KNOW YOU” and balaga screams “FLOOR IT” * “green means go, red also means go probably, yellow means speed up” * “balaga why is my kid crying” “,,,,,,,,,,reasons” * balaga calls theo dickle forever bc he can * Lucy has Fedya’s Determination and she does everything balaga does better * balaga cries into a wine bottle on the pavement * “balaga eating saltines and chugging wine on the sidewalk”~Quote from Ace * one time balaga takes lucy out for night lessons * fedya wakes up as this is happening and has a panic attack because “where is our kid oh dear god” * he literally sprints out into the driveway and balaga screams “FUCKING FLOOR IT” and lucy’s doing all sorts of pro maneuvers * while balaga ends up hanging on for dear life because “oh so this is what it’s like to be my passenger” * “lucy lucifer” * balaga has a corkboard full of parking tickets he never paid, he hoards them like trophies * (balaga voice) speed limit 420 haha nice

* “Balaga that says 42,,,” * “if i put four engines in my car,,,” * balaga owns a school bus that’s decked out like a monster truck * balaga works for uber AND lyft, like a double agent * one time he gets an uber and lyft at the same time so hes like fuck it and gets them both * fuzzy dice on rearview mirror * balaga’s car is named nutmobile & it has a nut sticker * balaga sleeps in his car in a walmart parking lot at night?? * on lucy’s first birthday balaga teaches lucy how to say fuck and fedya decks him in the street * balaga picks lucy up from school or something one day and he saw her and just yelled “HEY LUCIFER” * lucy whips around like YEAH FUCKASS WHAT DO YOU WANT, she was like 14 * BALAGA IS LITERALLY AT ANATOLE AND FEDYAS HOUSE ALK THE TINE AND HE IS JUST YELLING LUCIFER ALL GHE TIME AND FEDYA ID LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP BALAGA * balaga runs like naruto * balaga was the babysitter literally all the time * balaga worked as a gym teacher for a month before getting fired * (“what’d he get fired for?” “nothing you can prove”) ~Andy and Ace * someone else parks in his parking spot and he just keys the car * balaga worked as a librarian for two hours before being fired for telling the kids to shut the fuck up * balaga never gets fired from uber no matter what * Review: 5/5. Almost died but i got to my destination, 30 minutes away, in 2 minutes. * “LUCY, HYPERDRIVE” * balaga has completely taken over anatole & fedya’s garage * they try to walk in one time like “is this is fucking dead rat” and he shoots them with a paintball gun and says “no this is covfefe” * Balaga goes as a gc egg shaker for halloween w the kids * “No you just hear the beads and then theres tiny egg man” ~Kalvin * “yeah the guy who lives in our garage uhhhh tiny egg man” ~Theo * lucy draws balaga and he says “hell yeah fanart,” hangs it up on like the ceiling of his car * when lucy and theo play mario kart she always chooses rainbow road * chooses monopoly for Family Game Night * “lucy please we’ve been playing for three days” “no it’s blond dad’s turn” * anatole’s dying on the floor, fedya’s crying, theo’s dissociating * theo’s a hide and seek master

*They watch Buzzfeed Unsolved * lucy & theo go ghost hunting, lucy’s humming the ghostbusters theme and theo’s shaking like a leaf in the corner with ten vials of holy water on him * “hey demons it’s me, ya boi” “LUCY NO” * “COME AT ME DEMONS!” “L U C Y P L E A S E” * Theo is Dipper Pines * lucy is always ready to Deck People (kalvin style) * lucy has a pokeball in her backpack to throw at people she doesnt like * the guys at school call her “hellraiser” and the girls call her “lucifer” * theo and lucy are Not Straight in the slightest * lucy is pan, theo is gay & ace, & also trans * lucy makes so many innuendos she got detention multiple times because of it * theo can play literally any instrument and spent his money on bookfairs in elementary school * Theo knows that anybody who plays violin is a basic bitch so he plays viola instead * “Fyodor jr.!” “Sorry dad, you’re basic.” ~Convo with Anatole * theo quickly become better at gambling than fedya, it switches from fedya letting him win to him actually getting demolished, fedya cries * lucy does the thing where it looks like you’re doing ballet but then you go over to someone and kick them in the face * lucy literally carries around a bag of glitter to throw on people when they say/do something stupid * lucy’s ringtone is the THX noise and it’s always so fucking loud * ippolit kuragin is the cool uncle but also cryptid * is a fashion designer in NY apparently * unrelated: (dolokhov voice) me me big anxiety * theo stans all the murder musicals * also is totally straight for phillipa soo * also stans all things LMM * lucy’s contact pick for Blond Dad is That anatole pic * lucy is team valor and theo is team instinct * fedya’s valor, anatole’s mystic (prettiest logo???), balaga’s instinct * everyone outs poor anatole for being on team mystic * “so uh anatole what team did you pick?” “mystic” “oh because they’re smart and stuff–” “no, they’re the most aesthetic * the kids are highkey competitive about pokemon * anatole does that thing where he does 600000 soft restarts to get a shiny starter * he REALLY LOVES alolan vulpix!! * lucy has an embarrassing collection of photos of anatole * Balaga insists on giving the kids The Talk * theo didn’t talk for a week after but it could have gone much worse * someone: so how’d It Go? * theo, shaking, looking up with the purest fear in his eyes: it could have been worse * balaga teaches theo to curse * also, someone @ theo : “fuck, i mean shoot! im so sorry!!” theo, drinking a glass of vodka: what the fuck you can swear around me i literally fuckimg 21 years old what the shit * theo, quietly: in the heights is better than hamilton * lucy, a floor down: EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME * once lucy asked balaga “hey do you sell drugs” * and balaga was like “no why, do you need them? bc i can get you them” * everyone sees theo as the calm kid, but if you talk shit about his family he Will duel you in a denny’s parking lot @ 3am hamilton style * there’s always the option to go live in the garaga with balaga * Theo’s secret dating the Andreirretasha kid, Nico(lai) * They are the cutest couple™ * Okay some Mama Helene™ bs * Helene was the mom, Fedya was the dad * “Helene and Dolokhov arm-in-arm,” * Lucy looks like a mini Helene, Theo looks like a mini Fedya * The only difference between Helene and Lucy is while Helene has the green-hairpiece-thing, Lucy wears a mauve bow * On Lucy’s fourteenth bday, Helene bent down to eye-level, look soulfully into her eyes, and said this: * “Lucy, as my daughter, i feel as if you should have this..” * It’s a necklace that says “Bitch” * Lucy was 13 when she started her drunk text collection * On Lucy’s 16 bday, helene gave her her most prized possession * “Lucy, I want you to have this, I was going to give it to you later in life, but you’ve come so far already..” * She pulls out a book from her purse, written in fancy calligraphy on it are the words “Burn Book” * “Lucy this is everything that someone i know has done wrong, treat it with care…” * It was one of the only times lucy has ever cried * You bet your ass there’s an entire section dedicated to Anatole * “Anatole, age 1-6, Anatole, Age 7-10, Anatole, Age 11-13, Anatole, Age 14-18, etc” * Theres even some stuff about Cryptid-Uncle-Ippolit * “Hey dad? Remember when you and uncle Pierre tied to guy to a bear for shits and giggles?” * Theo is on the spectrum * Helene got him a fidget cube * He and Lucy do sibling costumes * Theo is a gangly mess of limbs like how does the kid function * Theo was cis-passing when he started dating Nico * When he told him he was trans, Nico just shrugged and kissed him alot * Yeah so I love these kids and might write a fic